MY FAT LOSS JOURNEY PART 1 : DIET FAIL

 

The last time I cried as a kid

It wasn’t when my dad beat my ass. I stopped doing that when I was little – but I do wonder whether he hit me harder because I stopped crying… I don’t know whether I was any more of a little badass than my brothers, but he must have thought so, because I was the one who got most - if not all – of his attention when it came to beat downs and I was always guilty until proven otherwise. Usually I was just proven beatdown. I was pretty headstrong and I think he saw a lot of himself in me, and so he pushed the limits of punishment out of self-hatred. When I’m talking about beatings I’m not talking about spankings I’m talking about the “can’t lift your legs to get up and move because you can’t even feel em” type of beatings. Bruised and aching, you just pass out on the floor from the exhaustion of the ordeal.

He did it for my own good, or so he thought. Because he was afraid I would turn out less than desirable and of course like him, I had a hard head. The derogatory nickname he had for me growing up was Fat-Head. He might have meant it similar to thick skull, in regards to my stubbornness, but as a kid all I did was wince inside when I heard the fat part of the name screamed out at me. It was like time moved slow for the first half of it …FAAAAAT-head. It broke me just a little more each time. You see, “bad” for him meant “fat” because the worst thing in his eyes was to be fat. Not bad like some parents mean it – you know, lazy, greedy, maybe you heard these words yourself when you were growing up. No, he really meant bad. When he was a boy, he got beaten by a fat priest because he was “bad”.

Natives have a long history of mistreatment by church officials and this has reshaped our family interactions to this day. Whether it was in the residential school system or in many other institutions, this was “normal” for authority figures. This was just how they “spoke” to native kids for generations.When they grew up to be mothers and fathers themselves, many of them passed on the pain. Even those that did not attend residential school are affected by others in the community that did. My dad didn’t like to talk about his childhood but I got the idea. He hated that fat priest and others like him that mistreated him in a similar fashion and associated fat in a negative way as a result.

So maybe it wasn’t surprising when he saw fat where there wasn’t any; he saw bad when there wasn’t any either, looking through they eyes of his tormenters. Through visualizing it in me, he actually helped create it out of thin air.

 

Did you ever grow up thinking that you were fat, then look at an old photo, and see that you were perfectly normal? I was nine in the photo to the left. Do you think I was fat? I don’t anymore, but I did then because my dad did.This perception eventually became reality. Before it even existed, the fat was there in my dad’s eyes and in his childhood memories.

 

Half a loaf of bread on the table

One of my earliest memories of an incident that warped my relationship with food is of a loaf of bread on the table in the kitchen when I was about four. I was hungry, so I ate a slice, went back and played and then came back for another slice, and so it continued until suddenly it was half gone. I didn’t understand why I did this then but I do now. I should have been left to determine my own body’s needs by intuition. My father instead became very angry with me and said, “You can’t just eat a bunch of bread like that, you’ll get fat!.” From that day on, the bread was no longer to be found on the table. Nothing was said, but I knew why and it deeply bothered me.

I didn’t ever have issue with gaining weight until a few years later when my parents divorced. It was a big change and was affecting me in a lot of ways. As a result, it appeared that I started eating more, so my father started weighing me. Not any of my brothers, though. Just me. At most, I may have been a few pounds overweight at that stage, if that. To me it didn’t show at all especially when I look back at photos.  I didn’t even have little kid-boobs, a gut or anything to even say I was chubby  just a “thick appearance”.  Anyway, WTF pops? Was I really in need of an intervention?

The weigh in 

So, picture the scene: I am nine years old and all summer I have been dieting to lose weight. When my dad first made me stand on the scale, I weighed 91lbs. I wasn’t counting calories but I had been working hard splitting and stacking wood and other heavy duty chores as well as exercising daily and cutting down on food like he said. (oh, and he monitored to make sure I didn’t eat “too much“.) So I get back on the scale, holding my breath for the results as the needle bounced back and forth, holding my self worth in the balance. I’m hoping that my hard work is going to show. My dad stands over me, watching the scale like a hawk.

And the scale says 91lbs……  diet fail 

I wasn’t much for crying at all at that age but that hit me like no pain ever had. I instantly burst into tears. I had attributed so much importance to that number on the scale. I was “fat” so the number needed to go down. In my young mind everything was riding on it all summer long. He really does care so he is upset by my unhappiness. He tells me that maybe I grew this summer, and so the weight I have lost through my efforts has come back on as muscle and bone.  But I couldn’t see it. Perhaps I already had the distorted body image of the average dieter. I do remember thinking: if I added muscle, wouldn’t it show in my appearance? Why did I need to prove it with the scale if he already noticed that I grew and thinned out? He didn’t say “let’s go see how much you lost”, he said “well, today is the day, so let’s go see if you lost anything” This indicated to me that he  had just made the “growing explanation” all up on the fly to calm me down as I cried. He wouldn’t have said the second statement if he noticed an improvement in my body composition. Red flags flew up and my bullshit censor was going off on high alert. I pretended to accept his rational so he would leave me alone but intuitively I knew something didn’t add up with the eat less move more method. That in itself was what actually calmed me and brought me to my senses. I’m sure he really though I was just sneaking food though. 

Changed for life 

I realized after my diet fail, the eat-less/move-more obesity model did not hold up in real world testing and even more importantly using it as a methodology  did not put me in control of the whether the was weight coming or going. I ended up with a complex about that scale and would not talk about my weight when other people brought up the subject but I weighed myself constantly in private. I started fixating on the number because it gave me a sense of control, albeit a false one. (Now if any of you out there still have a scale in the house throw that mudderfucker out!  cuz you’re gonna fuck your kids up! Guaranteed!)

Regarding obesity, I should have had a better guide in life than someone that never had an issue with weight. It’s like listening to those diet gurus that were all star athletes with amazing genetics. Of course they have washboard abs using their diet scheme- they were never fat and most likely never will be! My dad was quite proud of the fact that his weight never deviated - “It always bounces right back to 201 lbs” he would say often, always with a big grin. This gave him the confidence that every naturally lean person has in regards to obesity and leads them all to insist they have the solution without any experience with it what so ever.  It should be as simple and as easy as it is for them….

“It’s so simple”

I just liked the taste of food too much. That was my problem, he explained. His thoughts were very similar to Stephan Guyenet’s palatability theory. He would say the same mantra many times “You have a “tastebud problem”. You like it too much so you eat too much of it. When you eat too much you get fat! It’s that simple. just quit eating extra food you don’t need just because you like it.”

But it wasn’t that simple. I was never that crazy for bread, or for many of the things I ate in abundance. I was just plain hungry. When I was four and I ate that half a loaf of bread, I couldn’t understand it myself at the time. To this day, I don’t go out of my way to eat a bunch of bread unless thats the only thing there, because it’s far from one of my favorites. I was confused, and his explanations were even more confusing because they differed heavily from my own observations. I would eat things I didn’t like at all, just because I was driven to eat them. Sure, like anyone I was eating for the great taste of food, but I wasn’t in the sense he thought (strictly for pleasure). I was doing “all the right things”, but the scale wasn’t moving. So it must mean I was doing something wrong…failing. I would ask myself  “Do I like food more than any of my brothers do? How do I go about changing how I taste things?” I remember concentrating on the flavor of foods as I ate them saying to myself “maybe to my brother chocolate tastes like over-fried zucchini.” I was testing his flavor theory fully and trying to “fix “ myself even though the only way I knew how was by applying what I learned from the failed “eat less and move more” mass hysteria all around me.

Sadly, my parents had broken up before my big weigh-in, due most likely to money issues and my mother gaining weight. He wasn’t beating her, but he wasn’t treating her nicely either – especially in his choice of words. My mother had her faults too, and wasn’t a relationship expert either, but that’s of no concern here. The main effect she had on me and my weight was that she was always doing some kind of exercise system like “Sweating to the Oldies”, some fad diet, or focusing on salad “meals” or just reading about or discussing weight loss. It really doesn’t set you on a good path when you have all the genetic factors and everyone in your house is obsessed with obesity, and you’re only four years old but already are made fully aware.

Soul Searching 

So my real fat problem started with dieting, not with a weight problem. It started with my dad’s fears and his childhood memories. It started with my sense of failure and shame. The one thing my fat problem did not start with was actual fat.

The ground was laid for that however, because I definitely have the hereditary factor down. My mother was overweight, and constantly battled it and in fact my issues began before I was born - these familial epigenetic influences impacted even my mother by the time she was born. Even so, had I grown up in a different environment, I likely would have never dealt with obesity, even with the genetics in place.

I am who I am because of my life and I don’t really regret any of it. I did inherit a lot of toughness from my dad, some of it as a result of the very severe beatings he gave me. When I was a teenager and skinheads hunted me and my friends down with baseball bats, I wasn’t afraid of ’em… not at all. I was ready for them. That’s a whole other story in itself, though. My father was harsh but I learned one of my most valuable lessons because of him at 9 years old : Calories don’t count for shit. 

Only after some serious soul searching did I get to the root of my problem. Coming to terms with the events in my childhood was a big part of getting to the root of it all; and I didn’t get anywhere with my weight ’til I learned that dieting was like throwing gasoline on a fire to put it out. Dieting is probably hands down, the best way to encourage obesity. It’s no wonder people walk away badly burned 99% of the time.

Stay tuned for Part 2 where I actually become fat for the first time..Yippee!


169 Responses to “MY FAT LOSS JOURNEY PART 1 : DIET FAIL”

  1. athnamas says:

    Your story rings a lot of bells for me too – it still makes me mad to think that I wasted my childhood feeling ashamed of myself for being “fat” even though I now realise I wasn’t, I was just the victim of a messed-up and overly controlling mother… and of course the prophecy fulfilled itself and now I struggle every day with body image issues and WAY more body-fat than I’d like! Change is a long slow process, the scales got thrown away over a year ago and my body is much happier now than when I was thin and starving myself, but it’s still not that easy to just let go of thirty years of conditioning :)

    • John says:

      Great reply. Glad to see you are moving on. As Chief’s post implied family conditioning can have a lasting and negative impact on your self esteem. Old habits are indeed hard to break.

  2. Linda says:

    I’m still trying to get away from the scale….a decades old habit that will be hard to break.

    Thank you for sharing your story, Chief. Happy New Year!

  3. Debbie says:

    You are so adorable! I have been down this road since puberty… fat was not good in our house.. yet I was the curvy one and my siblings were tall and thin. I am JUST NOW at nearly 54 letting it all go and realizing I don’t have that body type and I am good as is.
    Sad it takes that long..
    Happy New Year Chief, thanks for being you :-)
    xo
    deb

    • CHIEF says:

      its not so much about the length of the journey as it is about the destination. :) thanks for being you too Deb.

    • Mike D says:

      hahaha yea, talk of beatings are so cute :p

      bless the internet, because any common sense i had was forced out of my by the time i was a teenager. it returned when i started thinking for myself again at age 19. parents are a powerful influence and once i realized this i used to get pretty angry at mine for not doing a better job of raising me (my dad has always acted half is age and my mom is too busy worrying about things that rarely happen).

  4. Corey says:

    Powerful post, Chief.

    I was fat for a lot of my younger life until I got into my early teens, where the weight just dropped off. By the time I was 17 though, I’d put on quite a bit, weighing in at 95kg. Strange thing is, I remember feeling better at this weight. Perspiring lots and feeling warm.

    I’ve spent a large portion of my life orthorexic, anxious and depressed with low self-esteem. Do you think stress makes people lose weight, as well as gain it? That would seem to apply to me, as I have gained and lost without changing my diet much.

    There’s a lot of obesity in my family, as well as mental illness. My mum had a nervous breakdown when I was born. I often wonder what the long term effects of that were on me, as I get real melancholy from time to time, although I’ve learnt to deal with it and love and accept it instead of feeling weird because of it. It’s so random and just comes and goes.

    Definitely feeling a lot better now that I am getting more starch and sugar. I’m also eating less meat now with increased caloric intake, and have noticed a significant drop in desire for fat. I was consuming a kilo or so of butter a week when doing WAP style eating. I think eating more has lessened the need for fat. Starch, in particular.

    Happy New Year, everybody :D

    • CHIEF says:

      Hey Corey, Thanks, I’m glad you got the powerful vibe from it , it was tough to write.I’m hoping it’ll help people as I bear it all.

      Yes I do think people also lose weight due to stress. Stress is a complicated affaire.

      and yes that would be typical your experience with starches/fat even more so with sugar/fat.

    • John says:

      Interesting on your meat intake. It is still a primary staple for me but I have noticed I am not as “excited” for it anymore. I am a bit of a picky eater (legend has it I hate most things white and green…haha) so it is hard for me to find substitutes.

      • Corey says:

        I rarely eat leafy greens these days. Apart from potatoes and other starches, I love cucumbers, tomatoes, lettuce and chillis + bell peppers. I’ve also been rediscovering baked beans! They go well with sweet potato.

        I think one of the most interesting things about overfeeding on starch and sugar is that I rarely get gas anymore, even after gorging on tons of fruit. Cherries used to mess me up good, but no worries with em’ now. There’s definitely some positive effects on intestinal flora by consuming large amounts of starch.

        • John says:

          Yeah I know what you mean. I eat around 1lbs of beans a day (kidney and black mostly)…while it was an adjustment at first I eat them fine with no “side effects.” Funny tonight I was eating the kdney beans as usual and my body was just totaly rejecting them…didn’t want them. I tried a few more spoonfuls and finally said…listen to your body. Not sure if this was a one time thing or maybe beans and I need to slow down a bit going forward.

  5. John says:

    Great post Chief! Three things stood out for me…

    1. Calories don’t matter – took me a while to “get it” but now I do.

    2. Throw the scale out – one of the worst inventions. For a long time I let some digital readout define both me and my happiness. F the scale.

    3. Old pics – what you said about thinking you were fat but looking back you weren’t. Man that is so true. That has happened to me many times. A few times the opposite…I thought I looked OK until a pic showed me otherwise.

    Another great post man…powerful stuff. Was hoping to see young Chief sporting a mullet though :(

    • Mike D says:

      yea that fro is hilarious. growing up on a reservation I assumed you had a difficult upbringing, but wasn’t expecting inch-from-your-life beatings. I know some people who never learned to get past difficult childhoods. Once they hit adulthood all sorts of weird shit happened (one very outgoing friend in high school couldn’t deal with living on his own and became very reclusive. another became very angry all the time). thank you for not letting this experience turn you in to a far more negative person.

      • CHIEF says:

        You just had to touch on the kid pic eh mike? I have always had real thick hair all of my brothers do. That particular time of my life was actually spent off-rez. With the exception of a few extremely isolated desolate rez’s I think its worse being native off-rez than it is living on rez at least in my experience. Fortunately I never felt like an oddball, Among my friends my experiences were typical. That kind of thing was just normal everyday life to us. Like you mentioned though most of them did not make it into adulthood unscathed, some didn’t make it all.

        • John says:

          Funny…of all my brothers I had the thickest blonde hair. I remember combing it and having tons of snarles. My Mom use to tell me of all her sons, I would be the one to keep it. Wouldn’t you know it…I was the only one to lose it. :) Such is life.

        • mike d says:

          makes sense that you feel life on rez is better due to the fact that they at least have some sense of community. personally unless the person was black i never felt the urge to treat them any differently, and nowadays i straight up don’t care what ethnicity you are, so it takes my imagination to really understand what it’s like to be discriminated against. the closest i’ve got was when i went to hawaii once. i seriously felt claustrophobic for a couple hours because of how much in the minority a white person is around most parts of the island.

  6. Shannon N. says:

    I have had some of the similar experiences growing up. I was always tall and weighed more than girls my age. My brother had an extremely high metabolism and I was always compared to him, My mother was dieting and always concerned about her weight. Looking back, I was normal size but never realized it until now. Anyway, what I wanted to tell you is that what your father did to you was child abuse. He should never have spanked you or hurt you that way. I am a mother and it makes me so sad that you had to go through that.

    • CHIEF says:

      Oh I know it was, I just don’t hold any grudges or let it continue to affect me like it did back then.

    • Cyndi says:

      Shannon, you and I must have lived parallel lives. I had the same childhood experience as you. My mother was weight obsessed, my brother was a metabolic marvel and I developed early, thus entering puberty early, thus weighing a bit more than my contemporaries (which is completely normal — I had breasts and they didn’t). It took me a good 25+ years to unravel what my mother, in her well-meaning way, did to me. The good news is we can recover from it and learn how to make peace.

  7. nameen says:

    Wow, chief. For me, this post was inspiring in an unexpected way. It takes courage and strength to be this open and honest about your childhood and the experiences you’ve had.

    I would not have guessed that your experiences with and interest in fat gain and loss came from such a real and powerful place. And that it was forced upon you as a child in such a tragic way.

    This post does what the first act of a movie is supposed to do — let the audience witness a formative experience that shows the person to be a living, breathing, feeling human being with struggles and desires we can all relate to.

    Thanks for this post. Looking forward to more.

    • CHIEF says:

      Thank you Nameen. It is hard to be this open. I am hoping my extremely candid depictions will help people. you’ll really be saying wow, when it gets to part 3.

  8. Bob Dean metal dude says:

    I can’t wait till I have all of this figured out because people that don’t understand what I’m doing think that yeah he’s just eating a lot and he’s getting fat. They don’t understand I sleep way better, feel much better, have more energy, much stronger, and somewhere along the line this shit is just going to fall off without me even thinking about it. Least that’s what I think.

    My brother has a couple friends, and when we go out to eat with them, I see their destructive eating habits and perspective, and I try to be nice, and tell them they probably shouldn’t be eating salads because it’s going to cause a rebound effect (in which I’ve already witnessed) but why listen to me? I’m the crazy food dude that changed his opinion somewhat every year with certain things, and now I’m just eating a lot of food mostly once a day and I’m much bigger than last year. Who the fuck would listen to me? YET anyway!

    I felt fat as a child. There were actually pants are walmart labeled “husky” and I’d get those. I wasn’t really fat at all lol. I just had a lil bit of chub going on that probably would have resolved itself if I didn’t develop that self conscious, eating junk in guilt kinda stuff goin on. Idk, I don’t want to speculate too much on what I felt right now. But the bottom line is that if you look at my pictures I wasn’t that bad at all just like Chief’s lil photo.

    Awh such a cutie you were Chief! LOL but seriously wow you have so much hair. Like ten billion times the amount I do right now HAHA

    Glad you’re back again. Seemed like everyone took a holiday dive ROFL

    I fell off the wagon a little bit and haven’t been eating one large meal just cuz of the holidays and special occasions, but it’s back to work tomorrow and the smashin will continue. Hope I didn’t fuck myself up too much =P And btw I don’t feel guilty or anything and I knew exactly what I was doing.

    I think my metab is like in overdrive actually because of it.

    • CHIEF says:

      Damn husky pants. I also had husky pants and so did one of my brothers who just happens to be one of the skinniest ones today that never deviates in weight and quite often out eats me.

      It might take a little coaxing but it will leave without restriction.

      No holidays I spent christmas day on a rescue mission, doing some macGyver-ing on the side of the highway at 40 below.

      • John says:

        Man I did the Husky pants thing too…I remember buying them at Sears. I also remember being ridiculed a bit for them. Still, I thought Husky sounded cool.

      • Mike D says:

        were you still wearing swim shorts and flip flops lol? I’m asking because it’s been getting around 0 degrees most nights where I live and I’m still wearing shorts and my super thin soled sandals. im finding that my feet do get used to it to a degree but that there seems to be a limit. i’ve been paying more attention to some stray cats as well as walking around in the snow barefoot just to see what happens. my metabolism isn’t quite fixed yet (damn close. best it’s been since age 13), but i can spend a couple minutes walking barefoot in snow before i get uncomfortable. i’m curious if you’ve been able to walk in snow barefoot for prolonged periods?

        • CHIEF says:

          I walk in snow barefoot often I don’t go on epic adventures but i take the trash out and that sort of thing barefoot.

          I definitely had boots on which look stupid without pants but as far as toes go I don’t mess around at 40 below, its crispy outside. It seems like night and day to me either on either side of – 30, its like the body just can not keep up.

          it was like -14 out the other day and I had shorts on.

  9. Zach says:

    Thanks for posting, Chief.

  10. Donna says:

    Chief,
    Wow..powerful post!! This post actually had me crying…yes, I felt sad that you experienced this, however, I also felt sad for me. Even though my parents never laid a hand on me, they hardly ever talked or guided me or any of my siblings and I know that has always affected me. When my weight crept on, I just remember always feeling ashamed and always looked to the scale for acceptance. Even now, although I do own a scale, but have not been on it in months, my weight dictates how I feel and it dictates my happiness…I wish it didn’t, but unfortunately it does. And I can see how it affects me and my family…and lately it just seems to be getting worse.

    I hope soon to feel the acceptance of me, just being me!!

  11. FranzW says:

    Great post, you deserve respect for telling your story so openly!

    My story was not so eventful. I can kinda relate to this genius comic: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.nl/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

  12. Beth says:

    Chief, you are the most awesome ever!

    I read this blog post as I looked at numerous Facebook posts of people who are supa-excited to kick off the new year by starving themselves. Yours is the logical voice of reasoning in this sea of intense food phobia and fears of eating. :(

    Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us. It means so much.

    • CHIEF says:

      Your welcome Beth and thank you. Maybe send em a message to head this way I’ll try to save some of them if I can.

  13. Bob Dean metal dude says:

    It is very sad to me now to see people dieting. More so than ever..I mean obviously I don’t let it stress me out necessarily. But I just can’t help but think what will ultimately become of what they’re trying to do..If they don’t find the light. And shit..I barely did.

    • John says:

      Bob,

      Where I work – since yesterday was the first day back with the New Year – everyone was downloading calorie counting apps and bragging about how they were going to hit the treadmill to lose all the holiday weight. I try not to meddle…no one like a “diet advice dispenser.” It bothers me too though…especially those people who SLOWLY pedal a stationary bike for an hour while thumbing through a few magazines.

      • AaronF says:

        I was thinking about this other day after watching Chris Masterjohn’s latest video where Mercola interviews him about cholesterol. One of the things he came down to was that increasing LDL was a marker for lowered Thyroid hormone which was a marker for lowered metabolism. It immediately made me think of Matt Stone.
        So what’s the best answer to all this? Well, we’ve always talked about eating largely of mixed meals, but in addition to this, I think a mindset of gratitude is very important. That immediately made me think of Thanksgiving and Christmas feasts.
        So yes, it is sad to see the dieting mindset becoming so pervasive. And it’s especially sad to see it replacing feelings of thankfulness and generosity with feelings of guilt around the holidays. And if my understanding of the science here is correct, it’s absolutely counterproductive in every way.

  14. Sue says:

    I have 2 daughters, one like my mom, skinny, tiny – the other curvy like me, she thinks she’s fat but she’s lovely. It’s like revisiting myself and seeing I was lovely too. I tell them both they’re perfect and they are.
    You hit it on the head talking about natural skinnies. I have a rule never to take diet advice from someone who has never had a lot of weight to lose. Funny how they think they did it themselves, too! Like they’ve got more self control and willpower, when all they’ve got is a bit more luck and a lot more ignorance!

    • CHIEF says:

      its funny when I tell naturally skinnies that they didn’t have to do anything at all. They look at me puzzled and say stuff like : “No I just watch what I eat.” to which I reply “you could still watch what you eat, … watch yourself eat it.”

  15. FranzW says:

    Chief, a random question if you don´t mind. What do you think about the birth control pill?

    I’ve been thinking about this for a while since according to Ray Peat estrogen is one of the baddies. I’m inclined to believe it has a significant impact on health and would probably suggest to women that are having health problems to get off hormonal birth control. But I’m unsure how important it would be for women with no real issues and if it would be smart for every women to stay off the hormonal birth control.

    • nola says:

      I am not Chief, but I have heard many personal stories about the negative effects from the birth control pill-
      weight gain
      polycystic ovaries
      complete cessation of periods

      • Mike D says:

        Even when I was 16 and had no concept of true health, I couldn’t grasp the concept of how chemically controlling the timing of your periods was considered OK and “no side effects”.

      • FranzW says:

        Yeah, the harmful effects from birth control polls aren’t highlighted enough. I think they give these pills way too easily to young girls.

    • CHIEF says:

      that’s a toughie and a complex one. While I don’t believe we have hit true overpopulation yet ( i know some people do) I have seen some significant issues with birth control pills. Sometimes I think it would be better if we just don’t say anything to ultra low carbers and raw vegans and let those type of sex drive depleting lifestyles curb the population increase.

      Personally the worst one I’ve seen is a drop in sex drive which means, a lady doesn’t want to get busy as much as she should which has an affect on her happiness which in turn causes stress to everyone around her because she is miserable to be around.

      • FranzW says:

        Well, regarding overpopulation. There are other options for birth control that don’t involve hormones like a condom. And although condoms do make sex less enjoyable, perhaps it is still a better option in the long term.
        My girlfriend wan’t to try to stop with the pill for a few months in the summer when I will be travelling a lot. She’s been on the pill ever since she got her period because of really bad cramps and we both think it is probably harmfull to be on the pill for so long.
        So I encouraged the idea. But I’m not too fond of the prospect :P .

        • Katie says:

          Just a note for those interested in going off of birth control pills- contrary to popular belief, withdrawal is very effective. I won’t say it is absolutely 100% but it is a great option for the right couple. Also check out Fertility Awareness Method (Taking charge or your Fertility is a great and very extensive book about the subject). It takes some commitment- like taking your temp everyday but some of you may already be doing that. It is also extremely effective.

  16. nola says:

    Thanks for this post Chief.
    Extremely poignant, and on so many levels.
    I can relate to so much of it.

    And at a fundamental level, it shows what I have found, how much of our
    “fat” relates to inner issues and our perception of ourselves,
    and the imprints of our childhood.
    And then how dieting starts the passage into true fatness and weight issues, and into a cycle that is hard to break out of.

    I have worked much on the painful remnants and buried stuff from my childhood, (not that I wanted to, but that I had to to get to a semblance of feeling ok about myself!) :
    and the programming of my mother who had big issues around weight and food,
    and like your dad, saw “fat” and “bad” when there was none.
    She has spent my life telling me I am “big” genetically, but somehow at the same time expecting me to be small, petite and thin;
    and letting me know I am not ok when I am not these things.
    A big connection between “fat” and “bad”
    ie, I am bad when am fat.

    Also- your story about the loaf of bread, and eating it without knowing why- and your Dad not trusting that your body knew best!
    ie, you were instinctively acting from true hunger,
    but were taught at this point that there was something wrong with this,
    and that you must be wrong to do this..

    • CHIEF says:

      Yea I even tried to have a convo as an adult about the loaf of bread but he refused to recognize, insisting if he didn’t intervene I would have been morbidly obese instead of a bit fat.

      This rabbit hole definitely goes deep.The mainstream would have you believe its too much eating and not enough exercising. It does have alot to do with our perceptions as well as alot of different things people do not associate with eating or exercising and that is what makes it so tough to overcome. For many people they have a few issues that work together to create their situation so they fix one, say the way they handle stress but their metabolism is still tanked so they see no improvement. It needs to be addressed holistically or not at all.

      • Sue says:

        Nola, I had the same. In addition, at some deep unconscious level I sense she is pleased about my failures (which may have been influenced in the womb by her constant’watching what she eats’ – the irony!) because it makes her feel successful by comparison. (Why would you want to compete with your own kid??) Now she’s 80 with frail bones (wonder why) and things are unfixable and time is running out. And how much of a role does the self esteem damage play? I’m willing to bet it’s huge .

        • nola says:

          Hi Sue
          I visited my mother recently and she commented on my weight gain, with shock and horror (about 22pds(10kg) of gain,
          ( some of muscle),
          and implied how I was no longer looking nice and slim,
          (like the year before , when I was around 12%BF by calliper testing).

          After the initial negative reaction and shock that she would make such a deal of it, and act like I was some shocking humungous size when I am not;
          I came to realise that with my mother I could never be right- it wouldnt matter if I was the perfect weight and size
          she would always find something negative to point out!

          She has an (unconscious) agenda to always make us (her kids), wrong, in one way or the other;
          in accordance with her own inner feeling that she is wrong, bad;
          and always has to be working in some way in life to make herself better!

          I realised that I have unconsciously morphed this state of unrest too, and never feeling ok just as I am – I always have to be something more than what I currently am –
          I am never ok, or good, or acceptable, just as I am in the present.

          I realised I have been unconsciously playing this out in my weight training regime- by not allowing enough rest and continually driving myself more than is beneficial or positive,
          and not improving as a result!

          Ironically, my mother is not a slim woman..
          but two of my older sisters have been at a semi-anorexic weight (through intense food restriction),
          for most of their adult lives,
          and one of them has an excruciating bone problem..

          And yes, for me there has been a big esteem issue! particularly focused on my weight and how fat/thin I am at any given time.

      • nola says:

        Hi Chief

        My mother too cannot see her part in the issues her children have around weight diet etc!
        She thinks she is helping by pointing out weight gain and making us feel bad/shamed when we have gained weight;
        so that we will be motivated to do the right thing and restrict food to lose weight and become the “right” size again.
        She doesnt seem to comprehend the tremendous struggles involved and how hard most of us are working to do this already!!
        And how shit we already feel about weight gain without her helping in the mix!

        She doesnt realise its not all about food restriction and being “disciplined”. (Few people are as “disciplined” as me..lol)
        When I have gained weight she asks “what have you been eating!!”
        or, “dont you think you should eat less”,
        when I am already going hungry!
        Drives me nuts at times- but I know she doesnt comprehend- her consciousness is shut in this arena,
        she binds herself by the same rules and is always trying to restrict her own food to lose weight.

        I think the answer is holistic for sure, not just about the “right diet” and “exercise”- I have done that to the nth degree and constantly came round to the same point of failure.
        I have had to open up my whole self for answers!

  17. Graham says:

    Sad to hear about the rough childhood Chief, I really am. Everything that happens to us throughout the course of our lives has an impact on us, especially at that age, and it can be almost impossible to undo the damage caused, most people don’t address it in their entire lives. I respect your courage being so open about it, I know how hard it is to do that, thank you for you sharing your story.

    • CHIEF says:

      Thanks Graham, the truly rough stuff will come in some other stories.

      • Graham says:

        I feel terrible, I was gonna say looking forward to reading it, I’ll just say looking forward to more updates, I really enjoy your point of view and mentality. It’s refreshing for me to see someone get good results at something without committing to some form of dogma, or something that they really don’t enjoy. It shows that good things can happen without the unnecessary stress people mistake as a requirement.

        I’m curious, what’s the lowest your bodyfat has gotten from your methods. I’m not interested in a number or anything, but I wouldn’t mind knowing what extremes you’ve been to physique wise with fat loss.

        Thanks again Chief

        • CHIEF says:

          Thanks graham.
          I’ve gotten to a 10-15 % range and kept it there eating whatever I wanted. I never had a desire to go lower.
          I’ll prolly go from weighing 300 to somewhere in between 201 -210 for the fatass to baddass documentary. Im good with 15% myself

          I’m not sure 5% is possible without some level of nuttbag in your eating arrangements but a few experiments the past few years lead me to believe it might be. After the documentary, I’ll be putting it to the test to see if it’ll sit there unchanged in he 5 – 10% range.

          • Graham says:

            Cheers Chief, looking forward to it, I’m trying to figure out how some people manage to maintain really low body fat percentages (4 – 10%,) without any real effort and how so many people, mainly those in the fitness industry seem to not be able to get below 10%. It intrigues me because without a fair amount of lean muscle mass, 10% doesn’t look really lean (I mean along the lines of body builder lean, with a 6 pack and all that stuff, not just general lean), When I was 140 pounds 6 months ago I read about 7 – 10% on a calliper test, (not the most accurate measuring method) and I still had the same pudgy look to the belly and hips that I had at 200 pounds, just smaller, quite a lot smaller in fairness. My main theory is just sheer testosterone and a stress free outlook. Combine that with lots of food and some strength training and I think most people wouldn’t have to worry about their build or health ever again. I’ve been strength training semi consistently over the past 6 months and eating whatever I wanted, within the realm of what I could afford and my weight has gone up to about 180 pounds, and I can’t say that I look any fatter. My waist size has definitly gone up but so has everything else, and my ab definition is a lot better than at 140, so I think my theory is in the right ballpark at the very least. When do you reckon the documentary will be out, I’m really looking forward to it.

  18. Stephanie says:

    You were such an adorable kid! I loved this post. I can definitely understand why childhood stress like that could lead to weight problems. Reading things like this make me feel grateful- my parents always encouraged my sisters and I to eat a lot and never, ever put pressure on us to be thin (and we all were thin). Growing up in such a positive environment, I don’t understand where my eating disorder came from :/

    • CHIEF says:

      Its the environment outside of your house Stephanie ;) it takes a village to raise a child. I’ll be getting to that whole social issue soon.

  19. Graham says:

    Hey Chief, are you planning on doing a post on sleep. Mine’s really fucking bad, I can’t fall asleep until at least 9 in the morning and I can’t get up until at least 9 at night, and no matter what I’ve tried it doesn’t want to vary from that. So I’d be interested to hear what your thoughts on sleep are so I can see if there’s a variable that I haven’t thought of yet. Cheers.

  20. Dutchie says:

    Aahhhh….Chief,you look so adorable&handsome in that picture :)
    If you’d call that fat,seeing you have a slender defined face etc., then I must be Miss Piggy at that age!

  21. Karl says:

    What a great website. Like i wrote to you in the email, if i can be of service please let me know.
    I will donate for sure

  22. Karl says:

    In terms of bodyfat. Shouldnt 5-6% be a good range for some male athletes since carry around less dead weight will be better in terms of moving and putting less stress on the body. And when you listen to the body and give it all it needs it shouldnt have any attention of holding on to the weight?

  23. Nameen says:

    Speaking of sleep… For me, the best predictor of whether I will wake up in the middle of the night is whether I skip breakfast or eat too light a breakfast.

    When I first tried intermittent fasting, I slept fine for the first several days, but then I started waking up in the middle of the night — around 4-5 AM ( with 12-1 AM and 8-9 AM being my usually bedtime and wake time).

    I would wake up feeling really awake not be able to get back to sleep until maybe an hour later. I was not always waking up with a really strong urge to pee, but I usually did anyway.

    I tried a few other things, but ultimately it was eating breakfast and lunch for a few days in a row that got me sleeping through the night again.

    So I guess my question for Chief is — does your master plan allow for 3 meals a day? Or have you dealt with this issue before in people you’ve coached?

    • Graham says:

      Does your calorie intake drop when you don’t have breakfast and lunch, or do you make it up during the day later. I’m just wondering if it’s the meal timing affecting your sleep or just a lack of food on those days causing it.

      • Nameen says:

        Calorie intake probably does drop when I’m just eating home-prepared food.

        That could be a factor but I wouldn’t know how to solve that without going to a buffet every day.

    • mike d says:

      about eating breakfast is that if i eat it for a couple days i start waking up earlier, and i generally get a lower quality of sleep. i am rarely hungry in the morning. usually the earliest i feel the desire to eat is noon. things have been improving a lot lately and i have started to almost exclusively become hungry at around 4. some times i feel the need to eat earlier in the day, but if i eat buffet style generally i am not able to eat much, i feel stressed, and the next day i do not get hungry whatsoever until 4ish. in fact, i’ve found that the latest i can eat is around 9 before whatever “window of opportunity” closes and eating becomes more stressful than satisfying.

      nameen, do you wake up feeling hungry? if you skip breakfast, how long does it take before you are really feeling the desire to eat?

      • Nameen says:

        I’d naturally get hungry at around no one after waking at 8.

        But I do force myself to eat breakfast because I still notice a correlation with sleep problems when I don’t.

        Plus I’d be concerned that I’m not eating enough because I’ve been feeling sick of food lately but I don’t want to eat too little and have my metabolism drop.

        • Mike D says:

          i’d say you are “wrong” for doing both of those things. if your body is not hungry, i wouldn’t feed it, especially if nothing seems appetizing. my body does that from time to time where i go a week or two where i eat half of what i normally do (or less). I still have not figured out why, but every time this happens I lose 2-3 lbs and don’t gain it back.

          if you notice sleep problems because of not eating breakfast, there are other things going on that you should be tending to. when i used to force myself to eat when i wasn’t hungry i found that it was very stressful, however, things would seem to go smoother for a time, much like when i would eat low carb.

          i mean, please, do what you do, but if i had your problem i would delve deeper. don’t be afraid of your metabolism dropping. every time ive been not so hungry and i don’t eat, things keep trucking away just fine for me. at least, i don’t seem to notice anything negative like cold hands or feet, brain fog, etc…

  24. Catherine says:

    Hey chief, found matt’s website a few weeks ago and have been eating alot more since. Came from trying different diets for one year such as paleo, the alkaline diet and all low calorie. I have started eating again and have gone up a couple jean sizes quickly. I am unhappy about it and not sure what to do. i have always had skin problems and still do and have always been a chubby kid and teen, am now 19. please help :L I know if i continue on like this i will keep gaining weight as i don’t have much guidance about this and my self confidence is dropping. I appreciate the time you put in for us readers by the way. oh and i have always had such dark circles since young age and i just feel like everything about my apperance is a wreck right now.

    • FranzW says:

      Hi Catherine,
      I’m not chief but I’ll try to say something useful since I think chief might not answer anytime soon. He hasn’t shown much activity on his blog lately, he’s probably working on one of his other projects.

      I think you need to recover by making your life more pleasant and stress free. Prioritize feeling good, not looking good. Listen to your body and eat what, when and as much as you like. Two very important point in this are water and salt (as you know by reading matts blog). So don’t fear salt or drinking less than than whats typically advised, listen to your body. Apart from that you could also look at the fats and oils you eat. This post gives a good overview and ends with some practical advise: http://180degreehealth.com/2013/01/the-biggest-dietary-change-ever-made.

      To make your life more pleasant, be less stressed and recover. It’d be good to do more of what you feel like. At the moment especially sleeping, resting and leisure time. Sleep is very important, and if you have trouble getting a good night sleep, matt has good advice on improving sleep.

      Doing this I don’t think you would keep gaining weight. Yes, suddenly eating unrestricted after a long period of dieting will make you gain weight initially. I think the initial weight gain is just something your body needs to go through. But after a while you’re weight will most likely be stable while eating as you want, and that is where you want to be! In the process your body composition will likely improve too :) .
      If your body want to be lean, it will be. And following this blog might very well give you the insights needed to make your body want to be lean. But first, get to the point where you can eat as you want without gaining weight.

      I hope you like my reply. But in any case, I enjoy giving advice :P .

      • Nic4health says:

        Hi there- so why can’t we just transition into Chief -like eating as we come from our restricted pasts? It might also help prevent some of the weight gain…? Also does anyone know of Chief eats or drinks anything from waking-until his feast at night? Thanks!

        • FranzW says:

          I didn’t say that people can or can’t ;) .

          Personally I think it is probably better to eat intuitively regarding meal timing rather then trying to force a fasting and feasting style of eating.

          Regarding weight loss, this blog doesn’t seem to have all needed information posted yet. Thats why I advised to first achieve a stable weight while eating as you want. Then maybe later as more information is posted by chief this blog will provide the guidlines for healthy weight loss.

          • Nic4health says:

            Well ill volunteer to do the experiment :p i have been eating intuitively and for heat for a few weeks almost months now, and am tired of eating all day. food doesnt seem to agree w/ me first thing anyhow- and i did do very well in the past on eating 1 meal / day so I will give it a shot ;) I will report back on my progress…. and i look forward to chief filling us in on the rest of the deets.

          • Mike D says:

            It is better to eat intuitively, however, part of the main point chief makes when talking about this is that inevitably the body gravitates towards one meal a day generally around 4-6pm. The longer I focus on eliminating stress the more true I’ve found that to be. I personally still get hungry around 1pm now, usually a snack is all I want.

            I still have a ways to go before I consider myself healed, however. My dandruff still hasn’t quite disappeared and the lines under my eyes are still there. They have become far more faint, however. I do not know if they will ever completely disappear, but considering I didn’t have those until I screwed myself on a “zero carb” diet, I have high hopes haha. the dandruff I’ve had most of my life but didn’t realize it until 2-3 years ago. conventional shampoo was enough to cover it up. dandruff growth is associated with lowered thyroid. the more consistently warm/relaxed i feel, the more my dandruff goes away.

            it’s seriously been like a dream how stable my mood has become compared to what i’ve been used to since about age 10.

            • nic4health says:

              MIke- very interesting. I have noticed some more dandruff lately- weird! But I also just came off like a month of very low carb and cals (Stillmans anyone?) ugh. I did lose weight but then it came flying back on once i started to eat. I threw away my scale (well not literally, but took out the battery- have not been tempted to weigh likely since i am too scurred). I am taking Maca root which warms me up a bit during the day, I drink Kombucha (sp) and teas and lemon water during the day, sometimes w/ a little sugar. but save my cals for the night time, that too is when I notice i am actually getting hungry and want and enjoy eating. I think my body will be a little confused for a week or so. And on the weekends, if i have my BF over it might not be as easy to just eat dinner (he is european, they like dinner at lunch). But, i think 5:7 days isnt bad, and i will try to see how my body feels intuitively about it all and report back :) Went out to sushi restaurant last night and the problem is i got really full fast- which i know isn’t too many cals: half serving of fried rice w/ chicken, and 2 rolls, plus 2 drinks. However, I am coming off a week of eating a TON so maybe my body is at its set point and ready to lose. Lets see!

              • Mike D says:

                my dandruff will actually temporarily improve when something stressful happens like not enough sleep, but when i finally get a chance to eat and sleep when i want, etc… it’ll get worse. then my body decides to heal or whatever a little more (I generally sleep waay more then usual, or my appetite increases when this happens) that’s when my dandruff diminishes. i shower once a week (and i use baby safe Dr. Bronnor’s soap when i do), and there is a definite smell coming from my head. it used to be strong enough that me walking into a room was enough for people to smell me haha. my mom describes it as “musty old people smell”. fortunately, and unfortunately when it comes to social gatherings haha, smell is one of the better ways to know if someone is in good health or not. there are dogs trained to “smell cancer”, for instance. that includes breath.

                i don’t know how long you’ve been dieting and such, but i suggest taking anything that happens over the next couple weeks with low expectations. mostly to prevent any large fluctuations in your mood IE stress. you should not be emotionally attached to your weight or how you look in the mirror, or even the progress you think you’ve made after a week, and that is the hardest thing for most people to achieve. it’s easy for them to overcompensate or ignore, not truly learn to adjust their mindsets back to a carefree one.

                but if you’re more or less fine, yea you’ll bounce back real quick. i hope that is the case, it’s been not very fun for me.

                • nic4health says:

                  Hmm very interesting- re dandruff. May i ask why you only shower once a week? i doubt i could get away w/ that w/ my job… one day w/o washing my hair is gross enough for me. lol.

                  So, i come from a ED and restrictive eating background. Do you also or have dieting history? I am working n getting my health and temps back. I already have seen a gain, namly belly and back fat :( but overall seem fatter lol. doesnt bug me too much but i havent been eating just once per day and dont think ive been getting enough cals in either :/ i think i might start upping my cals and focusing 1/meal per day. perhaps there is something about eating less frequently that will help balance my metabolism.

                  Do you think its possible for someone starting out BMI 30 (last time i checked- havent weighed in awhile… too scared to and was very addicted to it) to see weight come back down in time? I was always around BMI 25 for years…. but then lots of stress, raw veganism + ED flair up = quickly gaining 30lbs :/ i just want to fit into my clothes again, but am trying to not stress out about it. Met a great guy tho, and am thinking of changing my job so i am happier and less stressed. i really sense a strong stress / weight gain correlation for me, but have also seen the opposite… huge stress w/ my prior marriage and i lost alot down to BMI 22 ish.

                  Good luck and thanks for any tips.

                  • mike d says:

                    Its honestly just a leftover from when I questioned a bunch of shit we all do every day. I found that a shower once a week is all I need to look decently presentable. Yes, may hair like pretty greasy and I attribute that totally to my dandruff problems which again, are linked to thyroid function. Point is, I still have stress, especially now that I’m getting health back. Before, it was that I couldn’t do physically do anything because I would get tired so fast. Now I can force myself to do things without a large amount of issues pretty darn easily, so I have to focus a little more in order to relax.

                    anyways, I know at least 2 other folks who wash their hair just as infrequently as I, but their hair gets no where near as greasy as mine does.

  25. Sierra says:

    Hey, I just wanted to quick say you are a good writer with a lot of insight. I grew up with similar drama/dysfunction. If you don’t deal with your own issues you are bound to pass them down to your kids. Part of healing is forgiving the imperfec people who brought you into the world. People who hurt you, because they were trying their best but struggling with their own wounds. I have my own kids now. I am working I guess so I don’t pass on food or body image issues to them too. Mine was from the same bad root, just in the different direction. I was a really skinny kid and everyone always made a big deal out of it. For kids who are natural pleasers that can become a huge part of their identity, what makes them ‘special’. It is so important to let your kids know you love them for who they are, regardless of the externals. It sounds like you are well on your way to forgiving your dad. Remember, most (!!!) people don’t set out trying to mess up their kids. They want to love them they just don’t know how.

  26. Troy says:

    Chief, where are you? I love reading your blog and I miss it. I hope your doing well.

  27. mike d says:

    troy, i heard that more posts in the comments = more blog posts we get ;)

    ive been meaning to get back to helping grow this site, but pursuit of a lower stress mindset takes precedence. helping chief was too much i guess lol. made a lot of progress lately in the way of feeling closer to normal. i feel like im peeling away layers of stress.

    • Troy says:

      Mike I understand. Sometimes too much time on the computer reading health blogs can drive a person nuts. Its good to get away from staring at screens for a while and live life in the real world. Good luck and God Bless.

  28. Saucychick says:

    More comments means more posts?.. COUNT MY POST :)
    I have a serious question. I found these “Eat More” theory guys (Matt, Billy and Chief) in December. Before that my 1500k diet did nothing to move my 80 extra pounds- 50 of which has to be in my gut- which is very disconcerting considering I don’t drink and imma GIRL!!

    I’ve been monitoring my sugar since September which ended up with me on metformin in November. My 125 fasting high remained the same with RRARF until I found Peat. I fear that Sugary milk and orange juice killed my beta cell reserves since I am now trying real hard to come down from my 150 mornings. It’s been 2 weeks since I stopped Peating.

    So last night, before eating BG was 97 – I had a hamburger with bun, hotdog and bun, broccoli and a gluten-free ice cream sammich- and 2 hours after dinner I slammed into 209 BG reading. WTF. This morning I was at 170 fasting. So I’m wondering if I should just drive over to the pharmacy and pick up some damn insulin. What I was hoping for was more info on Chief’s natural way he helped his dad(?) with diabetes. (read it somewhere on the blog)

    I see all these peeps on these boards coming from a defiecient metabolism, and pretty much all underweight, but are there no pre-diabetic/diabetic/ obese peeps that have ventured into the realm of eating?

    • Alex says:

      This article by Matt may be of help to you:

      http://180degreehealth.com/2012/06/glucose-clearance

      It might be that there are other things in your life that are affecting your metabolism (stress, lack of sleep) that you need to get dialed in before you can expect to see an improvement in blood sugar levels.

      Also you said that a Peat style diet made things worse. If you haven’t read Matt’s book “Eat for Heat” I would recommend it. But if you don’t want to, a basic summary is that it discusses the balance between food and fluid intake. Matt also has several articles on his blog about this. But a Peat diet might be too high in fluid (even though it think he recommends putting salt in OJ or something weird like that).

      Also, Matt also offers phone consultations for $100, but if you can’t afford that he says you can pay whatever you can afford to. Here’s the link:

      http://180degreehealth.com/2013/02/get-help

      I hope that some of this might point you in the right direction.

      -Alex

  29. Graham says:

    Hey Chief, I’ve got a question about fat distribution. Whatever my weight has been in the past few years (it’s gone from 200 pounds to 140 to 180) I’ve had quite prominent hips and a slight belly pooch, whatever my bodyfat percentage. I’m pretty certain the belly is down to relatively high levels of cortisol, but I’m not so certain about the hips. It’s not a bodyfat issue because I’ve yet to lose my ab definition, that keeps getting better, but I’m quite stumped on the hips issue, and I’ve seen all sorts of theories from high estrogen to low testosterone to thyroid problems, but I’d like to know what you think about it, since from what I’ve observed most people tend to shape that way now. You don’t get genuinly skinny people anymore, you get skinny fat people, who look skinny in clothes but look chubby out of them. I’d like to hear peoples thoughts on it, especially those who have dealt with this issue, it looks out of place to see someones hips stick out when the rest of them pretty lean, I want to know what causes it, because it seems like such a normal thing these days and I’m certain it wasn’t always the case. Thanks.

    • Troy says:

      I look like a starving Ethiopian. Skinny arms and legs with a fat belly. Almost all my fat is in my belly. I tried losing weight but it just made things worse.I think I need to put on some muscle to even thing out.

      • Graham says:

        My experience has been that putting on muscle will help, but to me it doesn’t seem like the solution to the whole skinny arms and fat belly issue. When I was 140 pounds I still had the love handle and pot belly look, (and that was after 60 pounds of weight lost, there was definitely some muscle lost but I didn’t have a huge amount to begin with.) I’m now up to 180 pounds but my body composition is different than last time I was at this weight, I have lifted weights and building some muscle definitely plays a role, but the wide waist is still there but with more ab definition than I had at 140. In short, build some muscle so long as it doesn’t affect you negatively from a health standpoint to do so, (the last time I exercised was about 2 months ago, I stopped because I felt completely wiped out all the time and I didn’t have the energy to keep doing it, I’m still getting bigger and leaner though, I put it down to the junk food I’m eating, lol) but keep in mind there is more to this game than just body fat and muscle that has an impact on your body composition and your health, most experts can’t see beyond that. I personally feel for the most part that someone’s hormone balance will dictate the shape of their body.

    • Amy says:

      I’m interested in Chief’s take on the “skinny-fat” phenomenon, too. I think it’s caused by dieting, but maybe it has to do with the hormones in the environment or inflammation or something. It sure is a phenomenon now, though.

      • Troy says:

        I have never been on a diet and eat whatever I want (I do get acne when I eat sweets). I have always been naturally skinny, but as an adult all my fat goes right to the belly.

  30. Graham says:

    Roughly what time this year was Fatass To Badass going to come out Chief?

  31. Graham says:

    For everyone on here who’s gaining weight eating to appetite, where do you tend to store it. I’m noticing that although I’m still pretty skinny the weight is going on mainly in my waist, and some on my face even though I’ve gotten gradually leaner all over everywhere else. I’m wondering if this is the same for everyone, and if that’s just where the body stores fat to cope with stress, especially when eating enough to get your body to recover from various diet induced damage.

    • Bob Dean Metal Dude says:

      My thighs, lovehandles, belly and somewhat chest is where my fat likes to go.

      • Graham says:

        Interesting, I haven’t noticed any difference on my legs, though they’ve gotten a lot bigger, I struggle with my 38 inch jeans now, they’re pretty loose around the waist but they’re tight as fuck around my knees/thighs. My fat gain seems to be almost entirely love handles and a bit on my face, and there’s definitely a lot of visceral fat gain as well. How much weight have you gained, out of curiosity.

        • Bob Dean Metal Dude says:

          It’s hard to say, but I don’t know exactly how much I weigh now. I been trying to avoid it cuz it was starting to bother me a little bit. I’d say I am two seventy something now. or 280 something. My lowest I’ve ever gotten as an adult is 195. I was very unhealthy at the time. A skinny fat person kind of. I’m six five and a half so you could imagine how that looks funny. I put on quite a bit of weight. But I’m not fatter than I ever have been. I’m stronger than I ever have been. My body has a much better proportion than like a “johnny fat guy” like chief talks about. I have considered that I might be farther than my goals than I think. and like Mike D said in another post. Sometimes I accept it and other times it bothers me. But dude, I feel much much better than I have in years. And I NEVER get light headed anymore.

          • Graham says:

            If your health is improving keep at it, don’t fucking bother with the scale if it’s stressful (I enjoy weighing myself to see how much I’ve gained), I’m certain the rest will fall in to place. Lowest I ever was was 140 and I had the same issue as you at 195, the skinny fat look, but I leaned more towards the skinny. Skinny with a prominent belly I suppose is the best way to sum it up. I didn’t have many health issues other than some slight form of depression (cheat days once every 4-5 days would have kept most of my health in check I think), but I had that before dieting and it was completely unrelated to weight, it may have gotten worse from dieting but I can’t really say. All I can say is, the more I eat, the better I feel and the better I look. My belly and love handles are less prominent now than at 140, and my abs are getting clearer. I’m at just about 15 stone now (210 pounds.) I’m certain if a persons health is improving (mood is an important factor too), physical changes aren’t far off, though it may take longer than we think it will, we’ll get there though. The fat will disappear when it’s no longer needed.

            • Mike D says:

              oh yea, for sure. it’s been at least half a year since i started focusing on “chiefing it”, probably closer to a year, and i’m still seeing improvements in mood. i didn’t discover the importance of liquid calories until about 4 months ago, and that’s when i saw a massive improvement. now that i’ve over-done drinking liquid calories, i’m allowing my body to tell me when to drink pop and shit, and i’ve seen even more improvements in mood. and although my weight hasn’t changed much, i’m developing more “squishy” fat, which i’m not a fan of, but at least it tells me i’m making progress.

              so you’ve officially turned the corner from gain to weight loss? that’s awesome. i wish i was there haha. partly because i wouldn’t mind being lean, but mostly because i know i’ll be done focusing on figuring out what thing i am doing/not doing that is keeping me from further improvements. are you finding yourself getting hungry only at 5ish? when do you find yourself falling asleep and waking up? any issues still remain?

              which reminds me, the better i feel the easier it is to know when i’m doing something my body likes/doesn’t like but the repercussions are about a tenth of what they were before.

              it’s a shame chief hasn’t posted a new shit (i’m done with working this friday until i move from the USA to Taiwan on the 30th, so i’m going to do another posting spree soon. maybe i’ll trigger new content or something haha) as there are some questions i have concerning the importance of deliberate exercise, as well as weight loss specifics (the whole weight set point thing and why it’s increased and decreased). i mean, i’m developing my own opinions on the matter, but it’s way faster if he tells me haha.

              • Graham says:

                I don’t think I’ve turned fat loss corner yet, but I can’t imagine I’ve got much further to go, seeing as when I started dieting I weighed 200 pounds, and I’m between 205/210 at the moment. It’s really weird though, I haven’t gotten much fatter, even though I’ve been eating to appetite for about 10 months now, I was really expecting to get fat and then have it all come off, but although I’ve gotten bigger, my love handles have gotten more in line and my abs are clearer than ever, and they’ve gotten more like it the heavier I’ve gotten. My stomach at the widest point is about 38 inches the last time I checked, and I think it was about 31/32 inches when I was my lightest, but like I say, the hip to waist ratio looks better now. I’ve definitely put on lots of muscle mass, (especially in the legs, it makes buying clothes a fucking bitch,) and that’s without exercising, which I’ll resume when I’m in good metabolic health, so there’s actually something to gain from it.

                My health/mood since I started eating to appetite, especially junk food, has increased dramatically. The slight depression I had has really started to go, I’m enjoying things again, (you know something has changed when you actually start enjoying things like computer games for the first time in years,) and I think my body temperature is gradually increasing. My sleep is the biggest change, I can actually do it now. It’s all over the shop as far as bed times and getting up times are concerned, but the quality of sleep has gotten drastically better, almost good, haha. It doesn’t take 6 hours lying down wide awake to fall asleep anymore, more like 1, maybe 2 hours when I’m stressed, which is good because I used to dread night time because of that, it was painfully boring trying to sleep. Much improved now though, I’ll keep trying to improve it until it only takes 5 to 30 mins.

                The main thing I’m focused on improving at the moment is my digestion. I’m trying to get better at eating bigger meals. I’m not eating just one meal a day yet, I’ll be trying that in the future when I’m ready, but the past month or so my body has started to get to the point where it feels pretty full after I’ve eaten a meal, which I used to keep feeling hungry even though I was full, which if you read Ancel Keys Starvation Study, was a symptom the subjects suffered after they finished dieting and started eating to appetite. My meals are gradually getting bigger and less often, which pleases me to no fucking end, I went to a buffet with my brother a couple of months ago, and I barely got through 1 plate, so I’m determined to get my digestive powers up. Funny enough the main inspiration I’ve got on that front is Dragonball, where they eat everything in sight, cartoon or not that’s where I want my digestion to be.

                I’m not at the end of gaining weight yet I don’t think, but everything has improved dramatically and I think I look better now than I did at my lightest, which hopefully by writing it down will encourage people reading this site to drop the mental prison that is the diet and restriction mentality. The thing that gets me is I was really expecting to gain lots of fat, then have my health improve, then gain some muscle and finally start getting leaner, but they’ve all sort of happened at once, lol. I think it’s because I only dieted once and I was having cheat days, so I don’t think I damaged my metabolism and body that much in comparison to other people that diet. I don’t think my body has needed to gain as much fat to recover.

                Looking forward to your posts man, I think the main thing with exercise is, again, listen to your body. If it says no, listen, it knows what it needs so long as we let it function that way. I haven’t bothered exercising for a while because it fucking fried me, I wasn’t in any state to recover from exercise, let alone gain anything from it. If you want Chief to post, I think everyone should go to the Ransom Note post and comment, once it gets to 300 he has to post, he said so, lol.

                • Bob Dean Metal Dude says:

                  I don’t have much time to type at the moment. But Graham, I’m really proud of you, and I hope you continue to have success with your journey. I too am not in the leaning out phase, and unfortunately, I fucked my body up for years with dieting, alcohol, bad thoughts, etc..I am pretty hefty now but like I always say, vedy vedy stlawng =P I feel a lot better, and any depression I may suffer from (which I don’t like to use that term, I’d rather say a bout of sadness etc…) comes from the fact that life is hard sometimes and shit really sucks sometimes, and things can’t be perfect, and that’s just the way it is. I’m as happy as life allows me to be, and that’s a lot more I can say for a lot of people I know unfortunately.

                  This winter, I pretty much started to slack in the “quality” of my foods department lol. I was eating whaaaatever I wanted, and the winter makes me real lazy after work, so lots of fast food and all that. But I work outside all day, no matter the temperature, so the extra pounds, and metab boost from the junk food really helped me beat the cold. A few days ago I started eating cleaner. Tightening down on my pufas again, takin vitamin E, using coconut oil, lots of homemade starches, a lot less pop, trying to reintroduce milk (I believe I become lactose intolerant over time if I don’t use) cuz I didn’t really have much all winter.

                  But seriously…Dragonball Z is my facvorite cartoon EVER. I didn’t so much get into dragonball because I knew about Z first, so obviously Goku being older is much more awesome hahaha. Eating like a super saiyan inspires me so much! I don’t have tattoos or anything, but I swear I wouldn’t care if something to do with dragonball Z was on me. Super saiyan goku on my arm eating tons of rice would suffice. It would help me be a beast everytime I have a meal =) and let’s face it. Goku at least in Z, does it Chief style. He hardly EVER eats in the episodes, but when he does, he eats TABLES OF FOOD to refuel himself. Now thats truely bad fuckin ass =)

                  • Graham says:

                    Aww, thanks man, I really appreciate that. Life can be a bitch, sometimes a lot. Funny thing is, the more energy I get from eating more, the easier it is to deal with and even correct a lot of the problems I have in other areas of my life. Food for though at least, we’ll see how things go when I start eating more. I don’t like the word depression either, it has a lot of stuff attached to it that doesn’t do anyone any good being branded with. I hope things keep improving for you man.

                    Junk food as far as I’m concerned, replaces dog as man’s best friend, (and I really like dogs.) It’s a fucking powerful tool in our health and fitness arsenal, if you need it, use it, and it sounds like your job is hard fucking work. My sleep only started to improve after including a 2000 calorie pack of chocolate biscuits a day on top of everything else. How do you feel when you eat cleaner as opposed to when you eat lots of junk food?

                    I didn’t enjoy Z as much as the original Dragonball, I think it’s because I like the travel and exporation in the first show, I’m gonna have to do that someday, and I didn’t watch it as a kid when it first came out, I came to it a few years ago and just watched it all the way through, but I did like Z (especially the super saiyan hair because mine goes like that when it’s short, it’s why I started growing it long, it looked like I spent all day applying hair spray, and I’ve never touched a hair product in my life,) other than all the talking in the fight scenes (maybe I’ll watch the cut version next time, lol.) But yeah, that show is the basis of where I want my appetite to be. Goku is the definition of badass when it comes to food, other than Chief of course, I wanna see more pictures of his buffet feasts, those are fucking inspiring.

                    • Bob Dean Metal Dude says:

                      I can’t feel any major major differences between junk and “higher quality” food. I consider a hamburger to be perfectly fine for example, but more so a homemade one. I do feel better though. Using more homecooked starches and what not for example helps digestion, using better fats, means better metabolism, better digestion, better skin. Fries I make with coconut oil vs fried potatoes at a deli. Big difference. I don’t feel any guilt whatsoever eating the ones I make. Which in and of itself has a big difference I think, you know, the way you think about what you’re eating. Don’t get me wrong, if I’m hungry, and don’t have time, and I eat a shit load of fried potatoes, I don’t feel much guilt at all, its really when I have time and choose a lazier route where I beat myself up, and the fact that I’ve purposely pounded stuff, and been lazy, and blah blah, and all of that combined has made me not be able to fit pants so well cuz my damn love handles get so big! So like I’ve mentioned. eating cleaner, gotta fit in my work pants that they clean for us weekly lol. I’ve certainly healed with all the junk I’ve ate, but I went a little overboard I must say, as I usually do with most things. =) But I put my metab into HYPERmode so that should help with the tummy and what not when eating higher quality stuff.

                    • mike d says:

                      my metabolism is not in ssj mode, but its definitely the best its been since i was in elementary school. as far as eating clean, i eat at buffets nearly every day of the week. for the longest time it was a tossup between a golden corral and some random chinese buffet. so how clean the food i eat is questionable, but i will say that the better ive felt the more whole foods i seem to gravitate towards. im occasionally in the mood for pizza or rolls, but these days they tend to taste awful so i dont eat them beyond a bite or so. i had a bunch of bullshit from dennys the other day (quesadilla, pancake puppy sundae, a blueberry pancake slam, and 3 sprites) and was starving afterwords as it wasnt what i really wanted.

  32. Graham says:

    Bob Dean Metal Dude
    Don’t worry about having gone overboard with the junk food, your body was obviously after it, it would have gotten it from somewhere. If it got your metabolism up then that’s fucking awesome, even if your waist went up with it. Just eat the food your craving and the weight will come off eventually. I definitely crave more whole type food nowadays, but it took a hell of a lot of junk food to get to that stage. I still keep plenty about, but right now I’m trying to just get lots of food of different types into the house so that I can feed on what I want when I want, I reckon the lack of variety of food is one of the main reasons for the extra weight around the middle that I’ve got, but I think it’s improving now. We’ll see in a couple of weeks.

    • mike d says:

      yea bob, i wuldnt worry worry too much about “junk food”. i eat brownies and ice cream all the time haha. i know when i shouldnt be eating it when it tastes kinda shitty.

  33. Graham says:

    Mike d
    So your going all out Chief style with the buffets, the best one near me is about £8, but I can’t justify that when I can get food that will last me for 2-3 days with that money. Eventually I’ll start going to more buffets. I think people will crave more whole foods when it isn’t an issue for the body to digest them. I’ve found in the past that whole foods take too much energy to digest for too little calories out of it and I can’t eat much of them because of that. It’s been a lot easier to go for the denser stuff calorie wise (junk food) and just eat as much as I can, that’s got my digestion up to the point where it isn’t really an issue anymore. I’m definitely craving more stuff like chicken and rice and potatoes, and all sorts of other stuff like that, but I really needed the junk food a while ago to get my metabolism up to a comfy level. I don’t worry about unhealthy or healthy, any food can be healthy or unhealthy, it depends on what your body wants. I just try to eat more, and the more variety I get the more I can eat, lol.

    Sounds like quite a lot of food you had from denys, what did you eat afterwards to make the hunger go away?

    • mike d says:

      actually the only thing that sounded good at that point was some skim milk. i had some in the fridge, but not enough and i was too tired at that point to go anywhere to get more. i went to bed kinda hungry that night. normally i fish around until im satisfied. i also never eat as late as i did that night, so that was another factor.

      about eating at buffets, yes the per dollar difference is nowhere near as good, however, as ive found variety is pretty key. if i dont go to a buffet (which lately i have because i dont have quite as good enough means to cook) i just end up spending the same amount of money at the grocery store, the main difference is after a week of doing this i usually have a bunch of un eaten food that i can eat for a good couple days without having to spend cash. but yea, in general its just a pain some times to cook. im trying to learn to worry less, and assuming i have enough money for other basic shit, i dont care much at the moment if a spend an extra $100 per month on food. once i get situated in taiwan, i do intend on getting back into cooking, but food is so stupid cheap there to buy off a vendor who has already cooked it, i may not haha.

  34. John says:

    Hey all! I’m back after a long hiatus…where is Chief? :( Well lets keep the blog and his dream going!!!

  35. Troy says:

    What do you all think about beer? Chief is against it, but he never explained why.

    • Bob Dean Metal Dude says:

      Robert Lustig says alcohol is processed by the body the same way sugar is, and if that were true, then Chief would approve of it. He drinks pop, probably not all of the time, but he also says not to pound sugar and fat together at the same time, at least, not all the time. Idk, the only difference lustig says is different is that alcohol affects the brain, and sugar doesnt, get us drunk that is. Who knows. As far as fat wise, I know skinny fuckers who drink. I know fat fuckers who drink. Doesn’t seem super critical to avoid all the time. I’d say enjoy it when ya want, just be disciplined or something…

      It is recognized here and elsewhere that drinking something if you’re not thirsty is counter-productive. You dilute yourself, thus diluting energy and metabolism. Don’t know what would happen if someone pounded liquid with perfect mineral ratios. Just get really fuckin bloated?

      From a common sense stand point, I don’t see how alcohol and sugar can be the same besides affecting the brain like Lustig says. Can u pound sugar and have an extremely bad hangover? Someone should try that! U gotta replicate the amount of fluids (lack of minerals too) and all that stuff =)

    • mike d says:

      in general beer is “bad” because it is stress inducing. more specifically it cause you to drink more fluids than you typically will want, cause your liver to shift priorities to processing alcohol vs food, drains you of nutrients, and impairs your ability to function.

      • Graham says:

        I think in general the negatives of beer are incredibly overstated. I’ve seen skinny people, fat people, skinny fat, muscular and shredded people who drink heavily, it’s not a definitive factor by any means. I don’t know how it’s processed by the body but if you can get that wide a range of results in health and physique then it’s definitely not worth worrying about that much. An optimally functioning human body won’t have any problems with it I think, (problem is none of us is anywhere near optimal, some caution is advisable while trying to get to that stage.)

        • mike d says:

          i agree that ive seen skinny, fat, smart, and stupid alcoholics. shit, there was a 100year old man that died not too long ago who was essentially a lifelong, hardcore alcoholi. going by uk standards, i was an alcoholic for a year (was drinking at least six 12oz drinks every night). i can tell you that i honestly didnt notice how much things had changed until i stopped drinking. physical activities i had zero interest to do because i would always tire out super quick. i actually gained 10lbs when i stopped, too haha. but, mainly the things that changed after i stopped were increased muscle mass and strength, i had the most horrendous smelling pisses for weeks afterwards, i loved sour foods particularly lemon (i haaate sour foods now, have the majority of my life), sex felt better, teeth looked and felt better, sleep quality went up, and it was difficult to think after i stopped for a good month or so, particularly around the time of day i usually started drinking.

          im not saying you cant drink and be otherwise fine, healthwise, but ive not seen anything where alcohol consumption greatly improves my life beyond “feeling good”, and in many ways decreased the quality of mine, so i chose to minimize if not eliminate alcohol consumption from my life. i also rarely have cravings for it (the days i eat at a buffet i never want to drink. like, ill walk in going “getting drunk sound good”, then once i eat i feel repelled, so, i try to eat buffet style as often as possible), which right now is my main personal reason to not partake. from what ive seen drug and alcohol addiction are caused by some sort of unresolved stress.

          • mike d says:

            i also encourage others against drinking because of the decrease in life quality i experienced, as well as many other people i know who were heavy drinkers (one friend of mine got up to 2 cases of beer a day for a couple months. he was also functional during this time) and experienced similar types of decreases. everyone’s tolerances to how much is too much will definitely vary based on their current level of health.

            although, if you wanna drink, fucking driiink haha.especially if its with friends.

            • Graham says:

              There are lots of reasons not to drink, but the idea of mental restriction will do more damage to someone than drinking a lot of alcohol ever will. I think what Chief was getting at with his balance post is more important to pay attention to than any substance that is supposedly bad for you. Like you say, if you wanna drink, fucking drink. It pays to be aware of why you want to drink though, it’s a completly different world health wise when you’re drinking socially for fun vs drinking to forget your problems.

            • mike d says:

              absolutely, couldnt agree more.

  36. Bob Dean Metal Dude says:

    Because of a recent blog post by Matt Stone, I subscribed to a channel on youtube called MegaToadStonie, a guy who goes by the name of Matt Stonie. He freakin pounds some shit (professional eater), watch this, and other videos of his. Could be inspiring =) (There is a video about him talking about keeping his weight where its at, he says exercise etc…But something tells me who wouldnt even have to do that as long as he allowed his body to readjust for calories over a period of time.)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pR27Xl1sUJE Take this thirty nanner mo fos!

    • Graham says:

      Dude, my brother showed me that only yesterday, badass is the fucking word. I loved his Michael Phelps diet challenge.

      • mike d says:

        watching him eat 10lbs of potatoes was rough. i remember when i eat pretty much nothing but that, and would be full as hell after a pound or two.

        • Bob Dean Metal Dude says:

          Ya potatoes in and of themselves are hard to get down before too long when u start to eat em. Maybe i’ll try doing this someday…I’ll call it the potato cleanse =) No salt? No fat? No sugar? Pure starch ain’t no joke to eat ewwey

    • John says:

      THAT is a lot of bananas. I couldn’t touch that. If it were ice cream sandwiches…fo sho playa.

  37. anonymous says:

    Love what you are doing here! Here is another comment to add to your 300 goal! I want more from chief!

  38. FranzW says:

    Disappointed to see this blog dead

  39. Graham says:

    Woah you guys, I’m at 220ish now. It’s literally gone on overnight I was around 213 2 days ago, and I haven’t been eating much recently (certainly not enough to gain weight like this.) My waist is the same size as well. This is a head trip, (my abs are ever so slightly clearer so I’m assuming I’ve put on all the stuff that isn’t fat.)

    • mike d says:

      that definitely sounds odd. the fact that you still own a scale, i mean :p

      every time ive gained weight its always quick and in stages. 5 lbs here. 3 lbs there. the first leap was a jump in 40lbs just because i went from eating nothing but ground beef and potatoes to ground beef and rice.

      but honestly it sounds like liquid weight if you have been eating much. it very well might be muscle gain. however, in the past every time ive put on lots of muscle it usually coincided with a sudden urge to eat mass starches. let us know if you go back to 210ish later this week. id imagine you will. probably once your appetite comes back.

      • Graham says:

        Haha, I’ve still got one to see how high I could get my weight for shits and giggles. My goal was 220 when I started refeeding so I was laughing my ass off today and yesterday because I actually got there.

        Weight gain and loss certainly doesn’t seem to be gradual, any time I’ve lost or gained weight it’s been around the 5 pound mark every time. My little brother has gained about a stone in the past month (he was at a stable weight for years, now he’s hanging around me a bit more he’s started to be built like me with the upper body mass and the fat around the middle, haha, I’m certain it’s not the only factor though.)

        I think the weight gain was due to my digestion being not very good the past week, (mostly stress induced I think, but it’s shit most of the time anyway so I didn’t really notice,) so I’m carrying more food in my gut. My weight’s closer to normal after to going to the bog, but fuck me, I didn’t expect 4-8 pounds of food to be stuck in my gut, my digestion must be appalling, (that would explain the bit of acid I’ve had recently, I never in my life used to get acid.) I’m definitely not eating the food my body is craving because I don’t know what it’s craving, I’d go to more buffets if they weren’t crap around here. I should just start buying random stuff off the shelf at the shops and see what I like. I think I probably just want more fat, I’m definitely not absorbing the nutrients from the food I’m eating, and from what I’ve read, fat (saturated) is the bit that allows that to happen.

        The point is being made quite clear to me though, I’m not eating enough to get my body functioning very well (my appetite dropped since I started having more saturated fat and stopped craving as much junk food, though I still crave junk food when I get stressed and don’t eat much,) let alone to get it healthy enough to lose the fat I want to eventually get rid of.

        • John says:

          You bring up a good point a lot of people don’t…sometimes you need to eat MORE to LOSE weight. If you are ganing but your pants still fit, you are gaining muscle.

      • mike d says:

        explain what you mean by crap. bad quality? gross food? you feel worse after eating there?.

        • Graham says:

          The variety of food they have is mostly chicken, there isn’t much chocolate type stuff there and the ice cream they did have made me throw up both times that I had it. They don’t have many vegetables either (though I can’t imagine myself eating them, the option would be nice.) Basically there isn’t much variety and the quality of food that isn’t chicken doesn’t seem to be very good.

          In short, the reason I don’t go to buffets is because the reasons why Chief goes to them (variety of food allowing your food choices to be intuitive as the main one) I can’t see myself getting from the buffets available, unless I really wanted chicken all the time with few other types of food. There doesn’t seem anything like the variety of food in Chief’s buffet posts that I imagine I’d require to really get the benefits out of paying for a buffet.

          • Graham says:

            Just to mention, I measured my weight again and it’s still 220, and I haven’t eaten much today so it’s not just food intake varying my weight, it seems at the moment as if I’ve actually put on 4-6 pounds overnight (literally.) I’ll keep an eye on it for the next few days just to be sure though. The top half of my stomach has gotten leaner though, which is what has happened every time I’ve gained weight since I stopped dieting, (you can see the two top lines on the left side when I’m not tensing them now, my right side is a tiny bit fatter and less defined.)

            • Bob Dean Metal Dude says:

              Relax Graham. Stop lookin at ur stomach for a while. Stop gettin on the scale, and go have some chipotle. Those are everywhere right? If you haven’t already try their fruit drinks called Izzies. omg…blackberry Izzie, just carbonated fruit concentrate with no added sugar. Chronic Shit dude. =)

              I’m just being silly. I’m not trying to say you’re freakin out or something. Good luck! Go get some chocolate macaroons omg…

              • Graham says:

                BUT THE SCALE SAYS I WEIGHT MORE, IF I DON’T WATCH IT CONSTANTLY I’LL BECOME 500 POUNDS, I’M FREAKING OUT MAN!!!! lol

                But seriously, I enjoy trying to get the scale up as high as I can. It’s not my goal though, if it was I’d have kept dieting, best way to get fat long term. I think I’ll genuinely be a little disappointed when the weight starts coming off, haha, I almost did a little dance when I read 220 but I managed to restrain myself, I did high five my brothers though. And it’s not my stomach I’m looking at at the moment, the serratus anterior is fairly visible and it looks freaky as fuck, haha (my love handles make up for it though, looks weird as shit to see visible upper obliques and massive love handles just below, it doesn’t look possible, lol.)

                I hate fruit and fruit drinks almost as much as I hate vegetables (apples are on my enemies list,) can’t believe they’re sold as a health food either.

                Chocolate macaroons sound awesome, I’m definitely gonna try them as soon as I can be bothered to bake them. I’m gonna go looking at the butchers for meat with all the fat on it first though, I want to try more food with all the tasty parts left in it, not like most meat you buy from a shop (no fucking flavour on most cheap ones, there’s just not enough fat in them.)

  40. mike d says:

    well if things really are that bad i suggest this for grocery shopping;

    buy 2 types of starches that sounds good. could be rice and bread, or potatoes and corn, or whatever. generally speaking these are the most common starches ive eaten in the past.

    buy some sort of soda that sounds good, and some type of fruit juice. if you cantmake up your mind i suggest grape juice. for some reason this juice is the juice that i tend to crave the most. its usually a toss up between this and orange juice. if you want to buy fruit instead of juice you can try it.

    buy 2 types of meat that sound good. for me its chicken and beef (ive found pork makes me feel crappy), but every once in a while seafood sounds really good.

    buy some type of greasy food. i also suggest making it cheesy, but thats just what i happen to like. if you want dairy, skim milk is fantastic. the fat in milk i find stressful so i avoid it.

    get something sweet, if that sounds good. im not really attracted to sweets anymore, and if i do its some ice cream with chocolate pudding on top. some times i sprinkle sugar, too. usually the soda covers my sweet tooth, though.

    • Graham says:

      Great advice man, I’m gonna do that later, that covers pretty much everything. That’s some of the best diet advice I’ve seen, it’s making me hungry just thinking about it. I definitely eat more sweets than my body really wants because there are stresses that I haven’t taken care of yet, I tend to crave some sugar even if it isn’t filling me up, it all helps deal with stress.

    • mike d says:

      try eating sweets before you eat anything else, or just using soda, or both. when it comes to soda, or any liquid really, i suggest eating food until you are really craving a drink. i’ve tried drinking a lot in between plates and such, and i found i eat more if i wait until my body tells me to take a swig of something. usually the feeling i get it the same as if you were to go running as hard as you can for as long as you can and just want to suck liquid down. it’s very satisfying.

      also, if you eat all the food types you could possibly think of, or any food that you think sounds good but still aren’t fully satisfied, try drinking soda afterwards.

      ooh, almost forgot, don’t forget t

    • mike d says:

      try eating sweets before you eat anything else, or just using soda, or both. when it comes to soda, or any liquid really, i suggest eating food until you are really craving a drink. i’ve tried drinking a lot in between plates and such, and i found i eat more if i wait until my body tells me to take a swig of something. usually the feeling i get it the same as if you were to go running as hard as you can for as long as you can and just want to suck liquid down. it’s very satisfying.

      also, if you eat all the food types you could possibly think of, or any food that you think sounds good, but still aren’t fully satisfied try drinking soda afterwards.

      ooh, almost forgot, don’t forget to add as much salt as you want as long as it tastes good, and that trying out a veggie or three isn’t an awful idea. some days veggies sound and taste very good, especially with salt and butter. there is actually a noticeable difference in my sleep eating veggies vs not. but, i only eat them when they sound good. i’ll go a week or more some times with veggies sounding/tasting awful.

  41. mike d says:

    recently ive begun to focus on solving my insomnia and made breakthrough that ive heard matt stone talk about, but that i never thought was the core of my sleeping issue; i need to drink more water. the past week ive been drinking lots of water at night to see how it affects me sleeping. it takes 1 to 2 liters, but ive been getting legit sleepy (the kind of tired i remember being as a kid). in general ive been feeling more energetic and weirld enough my sex drive has increased, some warts ive had on the bottom of my feet since age 18 are falling out, and my dandruff seeeems to have disappeared.

    dont quite know what this is going to mean for the long term, but i wouldnt be surprised if this will go on until the fluids in my body better balance out. so, john drinking water with his meals isnt so surprising after all. i was just so used to having my body so flushed for so long that i didnt think that i had gone too far in the opposite direction and that it was time to bring it back, if you will. ill keep you guys updated.

    • Bob Dean Metal Dude says:

      Lots of great information Mike D, and everybody else. I find that I sort of shop that way in my head as well. I make sure I have my variety of starches, a couple different kinds of meat, I get me some juice (I try different kinds but I never get juices with added sugar it tastes nasty to me) and I always make sure I have butter and coconut oil on hand to add to whatever I want. I of course get something sweet if I am craving it, but mostly the juices keep me in check.

      I definitely agree that you should certainly not try to be conscious of how much liquid you’re consuming at a meal. Just eat (I too believe adding salt is important if your body needs it) and then drink when you get thirsty. The satisfying aspect of it you speak of is an understatement. I am goofy a lot of the time, and when I drink something when I’m really thirsty I’ll make all kinds of goofy sounds like I’m drinking a bottle of cold water in the desert hahahaha. My girlfriend thinks I’m retarded hehe =)

      It’s amazing how powerful leptin and other hormones are. Anyone ever eat pancakes as a kid and had too much and you felt like you hated them forever? lol

      I was craving some toast and jelly, and so I thought I’d just make a big plate of them and eat as many as I please. Well, my eyes were bigger than my stomach. I made like 3/4 of a loaf of bread using bread coconut oil and natural welch’s jelly. It was the bomb until my appetite dropped off a cliff and then they looked sick as hell hahaha.

      I should probably get one of those 4 way toasters. Stand there and eat as I make instead. It’s better when it’s hot and crunchy to me anyways and I’d be able to better calibrate my needs. I rarely do this though, and really, toast and yolk is like my favorite, but eggs kinda gross me out unless they’re free range. I’ll still eat regular though without thinking twice but I hardly buy them. In fact…I haven’t been eating eggs whatsoever for a long time. I was buying a lot of them like a year or so ago then all of the sudden they got wiped from my diet. Hmm.

      I can’t keep track of what conversations are going on in what blog post. It’s like we’re all just jumping around and talking haha. Don’t know if I mentioned this but much appreciated with all of the weight lifting tips.

      Far as the principles go, your guess is as good as mine Mike D.

  42. mike d says:

    Principles (links under construction)
    1.)  BALANCE- self explanatory
    2.)  INSTRUMENTAL- my best guess is this is something to do with goal setting and accomplishing said goals
    3.)  NUTRITION MISSION- what is and is not to be eaten
    4.)  STRESS STRESS Y’ALL- reduce stress as much as possible, mental or phyical
    5.)  FAST OR FEAST- eat big meals in frequently, buffet style
    6.)  GO HARD OR GO HOME- do everything toits full extent. no pussy footing
    7.)  THE GOOD LIFE- deals with friends and family
    8.)  KNOWLEDGE OF SELF- know what you want and who you are and stay true to that
    9.)  KRAZY SEXY KOOL- sex related

    been looking at chiefs list of principals for clues in furthering my journey towards health as im simply too impatient to wait for to earn it in some form from chief. so, ive given your guys my best guesses. what are yours? some of them are really abstract and is hard to say what. john, maybe some insight?

    btw john, thanks for answering as many questions as you could earlier, its nice to see other people’s perspective so we can figure this shit out as a group, hopefully.

  43. Graham says:

    I wonder what Chief’s up to? Anyone have any clue when Fatass to Badass comes out this year.

    • John says:

      I haven’t heard from him since several weeks ago.

      • Graham says:

        Too bad, I think all of us here miss having someone to talk to about this stuff who’s actually gotten to the end result and isn’t just in the process of healing. I just hope it isn’t another 5 months until he posts again. How have things been for you John? Any improvements recently?

  44. Graham says:

    The past few days I’ve started really coming to terms with how important my mentality is on my physical state, and how the 2 are very closely connected which makes it hard for one to change without the other changing first, the human body really does crave to balance itself, any type of balance, but it makes a hell of a catch 22 in self improvement. I know for a fact that when I was still dieting, improving my depression (not clinical depression just feeing like the life was sucked out of me the second I woke up) was impossible, and I can actually attempt to do so now, albeit not very successfully.

    But even now after trying to overfeed for about a year, I still spend a lot of my time (most of it when I’m at home) thinking about what food I need to eat to continue to improve my life, (fuck me that sounds stupid written down.) The symptoms people normally get after dieting of feeling like you need to eat even after you’re full still persist, not as bad as it used to, but it’s still very prominent. I know it’s unique to everyone but a year seems incredibly excessive a time to be sat doing nothing but trying to eat more and it brings things on home to me how slowly I’ve been progressing when John said he started exercising pretty much straight away. I still don’t feel like doing any type of exercise whatsoever, I still don’t have the energy, and I find that strange, clearly there is something I’ve missed as I would of expected my energy levels to increase with my weight gain and the only thing I can think of to explain the lack of improvement in that area is that something is still draining it, or making my body feel threatened and unsafe enough to try to conserve every bit of energy it gets (around the middle, haha.)

    I don’t mean to sound self pitying, that really isn’t the point of this post (I’ve made lots of major improvements in other areas,) I’m just trying to get straight in my own mind how much eating enough food is only one part of physical well being, and that technical factors like sleep, food and exercise aren’t even close to definitive factors if your mind is not in a good place. I think I need to really try and address things that I thought I was addressing by doing what I’ve done, when really I’ve sort of left them alone by mistake by misplacing my attention in technical things like food and sleep, I need to start addressing the stresses that are actually causing me to be tired, stay fat around the middle, not feel like exercising, etc,etc.

    • mike d says:

      i had the same issue, man. i pushed harder and harder more variety, more liquid calories, more sleeping when I want. I could not understand why I was still having issues with sleep. Turns out a very important factor I missed was water. Losing weight and feeling great lol. Keep experimenting. I can promise you that the mental side of things is very important, but if you feel like things are “out of your control” despite your best efforts, it’s because there is probably still a physical problem. exercise doesn’t seem to help in my experimentation, at least until you are feeling the desire to because you find it fun (like swimming, or playing in general).

      • Graham says:

        Yeah, I’m really trying to come to terms with how connected the physical and mental aspects of health are, it makes it hard to just get on and do something about it because my body is trying so hard to balance things that aren’t balanced. I’ve no doubt that there is still a physical problem, I think for now I just need to keep improving till it balances out enough for me to do something about the mental reasons why, I’m certainly not going to jump into exercising just because I feel that I should (it made me really unwell last time and I’m not risking it again until I genuinely feel like doing it for fun.)

        How much water are we talking here? A couple of years back I started drinking about a gallon a day to help with singing and I felt like complete shit if I did it too often (singing didn’t improve either, haha.) I’m wary of consciously trying to drink more water because of that. I’m really glad to hear you’re doing well on it though, would part of the reason you need to drink more to be to do with the different climate?

        • Graham says:

          Lol, I just noticed that I keep repeating that statement, must be important, haha.

        • mike d says:

          i’ve been drinking around 3-4 liters a day since I started a couple weeks ago. most days i’m not terribly hungry for anything other than these sugar wafers that i’ll go through 1-2 packages of, then i’ll want to drink more water. the past couple days water has been tasting less and less great, but milk has been tasting so damned good. i’ve been going through a half gallon of milk, and less than a liter of water.

          a lot of strangeness has been going on, like feeling euphoric at night, which is probably connected to the sleep issues i’ve been having. i have no idea what is actually going on, but i will say the experience is consistent with my experiences of the body flushing out something it finds toxic. i used to drink roughly 2 liters of water a day back when i was doing no salt, low calorie diets and was in bad shape.

          depends on the time of day, but in general i can’t go much more than a liter without needing something to eat, then i get full fairly quickly and feel the desire to drink more water or milk.

          my best guess is that my body needed to build itself back up to the point where it could function normally, and now that it’s humming along decently well it’s cleaning house. is it to do with the climate? perhaps, but my sleeping problems persisted and in fact worsened when i got here. it was not possible for me to fall asleep before 5-6 am once i got settled. it’s possible that the climate pushed me in the right direction as it’s always warm here, though. strange thing is i rarely feel legit thirsty. usually it’s a hunger thing. like, initially i wasn’t feeling the need at all to eat until i started drinking water. in fact my hunger has been slowly getting less and less since i arrived here, something that seems to be slowly coming back as i continue to consume water. or, i’ll feel hungry, eat something that sounds good, feel hungrier, have some water and it tastes amazing so i drink more, hunger goes away.

          and yea, i agree that is an important statement haha.

          • mike d says:

            im starting to think this water thing is ultimately a bust regarding my sleeping issues. in general i do feel better since drinking a bunch for a few week period, but im starting get cold hands and feet when i do drink it on top of not tasting great. the sleeping issues returned in the past 48 hours, which means something is still wrong. some time around 10 or so i just get this feeling in my chest i get when im stressed, i become thirsty and hot. drinking water just results in cold hands pretty much immediately. i honestly have no idea what could be causing that. im not particularly stressed about a damn thing. this is pissing me off.

            im looking into giving grounding a serious shot, fuck it. i cant sleep in the woods at the moment so ill do the second best thing.

            • Graham says:

              Try anything man, I couldn’t imagine consciously drinking more water being a long term solution (that’s why I haven’t tried drinking more myself, I just don’t crave any.) And yeah, from what I’ve heard, just being in the woods is awesome. My little brother said to me the other day, “if you feel stressed, take a shit in the woods.” He said he felt fucking unbelievable afterwards both times he did it, lol.

              Give grounding a go and let us know, I find that I sleep different in different rooms in the house, I want to try sleeping outside on the concrete in my back garden, probably will when it stops raining.

              Just keep paying attention to your body, if your experiencing unpleasant symptoms like cold hands and feet, you definitely don’t need more water, or maybe it’s the right amount of water and you just need more food to go with it. Follow your intuition but consciously experiment with other factors that you’re drawn to. At the fundamental level, health isn’t very complicated. I think the biggest problem for all of us is the background level of stress that we’re unaware we feel, (I notice it the second I wake up, I’m already interacting with the world in a way that makes me ill, but I can’t consciously pinpoint how.)

            • mike d says:

              oh yea, i can definitely tell when i’m stressed. when it has gotten really bad, the best way to describe it is that i feel like fire is going through my veins. i feel it when i wake up to, but only on days where i need to use an alarm clock because i “have” to wake up for something.

              today i’m doing something i’ve fallen out of the habit of doing because the gaps between large positive increases in how i feel are getting further apart; readjusting my mentality. every time i eliminate a stress i notice that although i may feel better, my mind is used to reacting a certain way. it’s simple, just purposefully focus on breathing when i feel especially excited and try to calm myself. generally takes a day or two for the new, calmer way of reacting settles in. it’s been working tremendously well this morning, but we will see what happens come night fall.

              interesting thing about cravings i’ve found is that when you’ve been ignoring a desire for so long it becomes easy to not notice signals. so, even though i seriously doubted drinking water would do anything i gave it a shot “just to see”. and i really do feel it was what my body wanted as my hunger has returned after slowly diminishing for 2 months. gotta swing back and forth from extremes a little bit before you find moderation, it seems.

              don’t worry, i’ll try anything and everything as long as it sounds sensible and gets results haha. i wanna lose more weight, damn it ;) i’ll be buying a pad as soon as i have the cash (a good couple weeks) unless, of course, my sleeping problems resolve themselves before that day comes. meh, might still try it now that i’m thinking about it. i’ve been curious about that for a while.

              speaking of which, can’t say i’ve ever shit in the woods, but i will say that i enjoy just walking in the woods. it’s quiet and a great place to take a nap if you can find some grass that isn’t all twiggy and buggy. i would imagine you’d feel great as A) you kinda have to squat to shit, which is the way we evolved to poop. overall, more comfortable, less strain, etc… and B) it’s one of the few things you can do to that sounds like it would strongly trigger “not give a fuck” mode haha.

              • Graham says:

                It’s hard to get out of a certain way of thinking. On top of the stresses I’m trying to deal with, I have to deal with being used to reacting a certain way and feeling certain things. There was an interesting post on 180degreehealth recently which said you get good at whatever it is you do which I’ve definitely found to be true, I’m better at feeling certain feelings than others (bad ones typically.) I think I need to try actively to feel positive things better, because at the moment they feel much weaker than the negative things I feel and I tend to get swamped by negative feelings and thoughts, even if everything is awesome.

                It’s definitely hard to notice signals you’re out of touch with, even now it’s hard to get a concrete feeling of what I want to eat or drink. I just try to keep plenty of everything about (it’s been nothing but pork meatballs and twirl chocolate bars the past week,) and pick whatever whenever I get hungry. I want my digestion to improve to the point where I more or less eat in one go, but I’m nowhere near there yet I just don’t want that much in one go, at the moment I lean towards a couple of bigish meals and a fair amount of snacking in between. I’m definitely not getting much out of the food I eat, it seems to be going into what I call storage mode (not necessarily body fat,) and it feels like the energy I get from food isn’t going where it should go, my body is way short of optimal function because of this, I probably just need to start to let things flow more, meaning I should actually let myself feel good when it crops up, and hopefully get better at feeling those feelings over time.

                One thing I’ve noticed recently about the ‘not giving a fuck’ mentality is that everyone my little brother hangs out with that does parkour, (more or less running and jumping about around town) doesn’t have the stress belly when everyone else I’ve met does, and they actually have some muscle mass, same with skaters. They are very lean and one of them eats everything,) and it tends to be biscuits and noodles that he eats. Mentality is definitely the biggest factor in how much bodyfat you have and where you store it.

  45. Bob Dean Metal Dude says:

    When I first started working with Chief, I definitely had a liquid intake issue. I have for years. It all started when I was a teen thinking that peeing clear and tons of water was a good thing.

    I was addicted to orange juice. I craved it badly. It was like crack. My body was having a problem differentiating between being thirsty and being hungry. I needed to get more solid calories. I also try to only get liquid calories at meals and only water otherwise. I still kinda do this.

    I wouldn’t EVER consciously drink water or ANYTHING if I’m not thirsty. I have a problem with it still to an extent, because I tend to overdue things =)

    If my body was craving a lot of liquid and it didn’t make sense to me, I’d at least put some salt in it and try to drink kinda slow. This all runs back to Matt Stone talking about RBTI (I have a refractometer btw, just don’t use it, I’d rather look at the color of my urine lol)

    We never want to dilute our systems. It will deprive us of energy.

    I just thought I’d share real quick that I still haven’t lost weight, in fact, maybe gained slightly again. I’m almost a 300 dude. I’ve gotten pretty frustrated with a lot of things lately, with my family, with myself, and it has caused me to make some changes. I’m tired of variables. I finally did it you guys. I went on a lil trip with my girlfriend to put a house in storage cuz her grandmother is going to pass away soon. I was gone for four days. I broke out real bad somehow. (I have acne issues..runs in the family, so a predisposition I’d call it) For me, its painful, and there was a lot around my mouth. It even hurts to kiss, to eat, its very frustrating. It used to be worse.

    In other post I’ve talked about how I have it under control. I know what works, its just difficult to follow my regimen with work now. Anyway, I knew that nicotine, the puckering of my lips, the stress response it gives, the blood sugar dysfunction it can create etc…would make it worse. I’ve been using an electronic cigarette for a couple years now I think. I’ve been going down in milligrams but haven’t kicked it. I really love to smoke, I just do. But my body fat, my face, is more important. I chucked my e cig out of the window. Victoria didn’t believe me, she searched through my pockets and stuff. That was last friday. I will never buy one again. I also stopped smoking weed for now. As far as I’m concerned, that’s a variable too. Basically, I cut all stimulants, and all these things that will disrupt my natural feelings and rhythms and make it harder for me to be “in tune”.

    Grounding does sound good and I too would like to try that sometime. I have also made another breakthrough (even though my feet are cold right now FUCK) I have been able to sleep through the night completely and have a big yellow piss in the morning. That’s a miracle for me. It’s been so hard to resist excessive drinking etc…In general my urine is darker now. It still is odd to me about Matt Stone vs Chiefs advice regarding meal times. Matt’s recommendations to keep the refractometer numbers good all day or have good consistently yellow urine all day usually sends one to eat dry food in the morning and more liquid shit in the evening. I still eat mainly in the evening, and I am hoping that anyone can adapt to that not just Chief and his clients.

    The feeling that you wake up and automatically feel stress makes sense. The hippies and their radio frequency shit bothering us and the sounds and smells and overall toxicity affecting us twenty four seven wouldn’t surprise me.

    I too am trying my best to maintain positive and to learn how to calmly deal with problems as opposed to getting all riled up. Mentality is extremely important and I believe each and every one of us are capable of training ourselves to have a “chi” about our thoughts and have pure control. If we look at others we can see that all day people let their emotions control them, and some of us make fools of ourselves all the time (my boss rofl)

    Yall post a lot sometimes, I probably have yet to respond to something else in another post I just don’t remember…I remember when Chief said he had a project that would blow comments and forums out of the water. Wish that was here! So we all could keep track way easier.

    I envy my girlfriend. She doesn’t do drugs, never has, doesn’t smoke (she does like coffee though, but doesn’t like have it all of the time or whatever) and she’s so so happy most of the time. She has gained some weight (her family is fucked up and stresses her out) but you can tell she is the happy go lucky type of lady and if it weren’t for people fuckin with her head she’d be very fit. And of course she eats whatever she wants. But of course now she knows me and is more conscious of her decisions =P She knows salad is bullshit and soybean oil is in everything hahaha.

    Good luck everyone, I do read all of your stuff, I just get overwhelmed sometimes and there is too much to reply to!

    • John says:

      Quite the post! Fuck it all man. Really. I am at this stage. Tired of even thinking about what and when to eat or workout. So much so even coming on this blog – or any blog – seems to be an added stress. You alluded once about how keeping a food log seemed to add to the problem. I agree. Live your life man and overdose on some Fukitol. :)

    • Graham says:

      Fair play on giving up smoking man, it’s not easy for most. And there’s no way that eating big meals once a day is just for Chief and his clients, I think it’s just about letting your body get strong enough to handle those amounts of food, I think that’s when weight starts coming off as well. From what I’ve observed a strong stomach means a strong relaxed body, these things affect each other though, so even though I’ve spent the past year trying to train my gut to manage large amounts of food I haven’t made any real progress towards that particular goal. I realised recently that there are many other factors that affect your body, especially mental ones, and I’m focusing on those now. I can worry about physical things like food when my body is in a state to really feel the benefits. I hope things keep improving for you man.

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