Archive for the ‘LIFE & TIMES’ Category


Thursday, December 22nd, 2016

Happy birthday Ma,

Hey Ma, how are you? 

 I’ve been in a really bad state since we last spoke. I have not been myself, I’ve been a like zombie, rarely sleeping, accomplishing inconsequential exploits. Producing a pale shadow of my usual creative flame engulfed in ambitious tasks. I Felt like I should write you a message on my blog here since you said, in one of our recent conversation you’d start reading and wanted to help with proofreading once I start going hard at writing on it again. So yea I’m gonna go hard Ma. Maybe some readers might benefit from this open letter, maybe even me 🙂 My projects have never been immune to the trials and tribulations that we all face but it just seems with this blog project it’s an extreme case. “Something”keeps …. IDK …running interference…..

Like you always tell me you gotta keep on punching! punching! punching! …  but I Feel like I have to say something to the dedicated readers even though I’m mostly telling them, Hold strong, hold the line with the following statement. 

Lots of bad stuff has happened and Nothing worse could possibly happen now !  Right Ma? Nothing this level anyway.

It all hit me hard today, all that has occurred in the last while. I’ve been thinking a lot about this blog project and you.  Yea, I’ve been thinking a lot about you, ma. Actually In all honesty there’s been very little else on my mind the past few months. So I guess putting the blog and you together today, makes sense, maybe it only makes sense to me but whatever. I can do whatever, I’m a ROK star.  

Oh yea Before I forget, remember the leather bracelet I made you when I was a kid? Yea I straight jacked it out of your bedroom. It’s safe don’t worry 🙂

Back to the point of today, I don’t remember if I ever explained why I started dedicating my day of birth to you but I’m gonna make my kids do the same thing to their Mother. Anyways, it went something like this.  

Me and my friend were discussing the effects of consumer societies on human relationships and cultures. We speculated that a preoccupation with gifts on one’s birthday, which is done in the extreme in the western world, kinda promotes narcissistic behavior. In trying to find a solution to the dilemma. We wondered ourselves what was done on birthdays in our culture if anything pre-contact. After comparing notes in each respective family, We quickly realized being teenagers growing up in a post colonial era none of us actually knew on the spot so we decided to start our own tradition that has a bit more meaning to it. Also it keeps us honoring what all you moms do for us. Kind of like Mother’s Day but more of direct context than an arbitrary day with it being on the day of birth of the person throwing the celebration for their mom. 
So yea, this is about you not me. I’ll always be thankful for the sacrifices you made to bring me into this world and I respect that special relationship I have with you that I have with nobody else. I love you so much Ma! I won’t squander the investment you made in me when you made me. Without your sacrifices, there is no me. I’m forever in your debt. I promise you I will honour your gift and not waste any of the time I have left. I promise you I WILL CHANGE THE WORLD. I am on a mission! It’s gonna be fun, hard and hopefully rewarding journey !

I was gonna surprise you and fly in to see you for your actual day of birth since there was a gonna be a shindig but as you know my booking turned out to be a few days Too late to workout for us.

A few days before that planned trip, I got a phone call and four words into the conversation it instantly became the worst day of my life. I just always thought I’d get one more… one more anything with you. I’ve been devastated that day, the day I lost you. 

Love always 
Dec 21st …. this is how we chill , 2016 til ∞


 I don’t know how it works now,  if the snow was a sign from you or not but it came all at once today. It’s been green up  til today. Exactly like you said it happened the day I came into this world… I’ll miss hearing your voice tell me that story every year like you have for the past 3o ish…. 


Thursday, October 10th, 2013

smashed car

“My life a car crash on the side of the road, y’all slowin’ down to watch ”  Chino XL – 2001

I’m Feeling a little bit like Bruce Willis in unbreakable right about now.

I Didn’t figure it would take so long to do another post but Yea, I feel the need to express a few thoughts in regards to that and how it relates to the big picture and helping you all get some success and well, at the same time understand me a little better and why it goes slow at times lol.  I’ve got a crazy year going where you have just about everything but a martian invasion popping off. The day after I posted Hiatus Status part 1 I was talking to my Mama and found out her cancer is rearing it’s ugly head again after quite a nice long remission. These were the type of crazy things I thought were behind me when I wrote the Hiatus Status and it slowed me down in general. Then a week of intense Rez-olicious drama segued into an epic car crash!



Monday, December 31st, 2012


The last time I cried as a kid

It wasn’t when my dad beat my ass. I stopped doing that when I was little – but I do wonder whether he hit me harder because I stopped crying… I don’t know whether I was any more of a little badass than my brothers, but he must have thought so, because I was the one who got most – if not all – of his attention when it came to beat downs and I was always guilty until proven otherwise. Usually I was just proven beatdown. I was pretty headstrong and I think he saw a lot of himself in me, and so he pushed the limits of punishment out of self-hatred. When I’m talking about beatings I’m not talking about spankings I’m talking about the “can’t lift your legs to get up and move because you can’t even feel em” type of beatings. Bruised and aching, you just pass out on the floor from the exhaustion of the ordeal. (more…)