HIATUS STATUS 3

Happy birthday Ma,

Hey Ma, how are you? 

 I’ve been in a really bad state since we last spoke. I have not been myself, I’ve been a like zombie, rarely sleeping, accomplishing inconsequential exploits. Producing a pale shadow of my usual creative flame engulfed in ambitious tasks. I Felt like I should write you a message on my blog here since you said, in one of our recent conversation you’d start reading and wanted to help with proofreading once I start going hard at writing on it again. So yea I’m gonna go hard Ma. Maybe some readers might benefit from this open letter, maybe even me 🙂 My projects have never been immune to the trials and tribulations that we all face but it just seems with this blog project it’s an extreme case. “Something”keeps …. IDK …running interference…..

Like you always tell me you gotta keep on punching! punching! punching! …  but I Feel like I have to say something to the dedicated readers even though I’m mostly telling them, Hold strong, hold the line with the following statement. 

Lots of bad stuff has happened and Nothing worse could possibly happen now !  Right Ma? Nothing this level anyway.

It all hit me hard today, all that has occurred in the last while. I’ve been thinking a lot about this blog project and you.  Yea, I’ve been thinking a lot about you, ma. Actually In all honesty there’s been very little else on my mind the past few months. So I guess putting the blog and you together today, makes sense, maybe it only makes sense to me but whatever. I can do whatever, I’m a ROK star.  

Oh yea Before I forget, remember the leather bracelet I made you when I was a kid? Yea I straight jacked it out of your bedroom. It’s safe don’t worry 🙂

Back to the point of today, I don’t remember if I ever explained why I started dedicating my day of birth to you but I’m gonna make my kids do the same thing to their Mother. Anyways, it went something like this.  

Me and my friend were discussing the effects of consumer societies on human relationships and cultures. We speculated that a preoccupation with gifts on one’s birthday, which is done in the extreme in the western world, kinda promotes narcissistic behavior. In trying to find a solution to the dilemma. We wondered ourselves what was done on birthdays in our culture if anything pre-contact. After comparing notes in each respective family, We quickly realized being teenagers growing up in a post colonial era none of us actually knew on the spot so we decided to start our own tradition that has a bit more meaning to it. Also it keeps us honoring what all you moms do for us. Kind of like Mother’s Day but more of direct context than an arbitrary day with it being on the day of birth of the person throwing the celebration for their mom. 
So yea, this is about you not me. I’ll always be thankful for the sacrifices you made to bring me into this world and I respect that special relationship I have with you that I have with nobody else. I love you so much Ma! I won’t squander the investment you made in me when you made me. Without your sacrifices, there is no me. I’m forever in your debt. I promise you I will honour your gift and not waste any of the time I have left. I promise you I WILL CHANGE THE WORLD. I am on a mission! It’s gonna be fun, hard and hopefully rewarding journey !

I was gonna surprise you and fly in to see you for your actual day of birth since there was a gonna be a shindig but as you know my booking turned out to be a few days Too late to workout for us.

A few days before that planned trip, I got a phone call and four words into the conversation it instantly became the worst day of my life. I just always thought I’d get one more… one more anything with you. I’ve been devastated that day, the day I lost you. 

Love always 
Chief 
Dec 21st …. this is how we chill , 2016 til ∞

P.S.

 I don’t know how it works now,  if the snow was a sign from you or not but it came all at once today. It’s been green up  til today. Exactly like you said it happened the day I came into this world… I’ll miss hearing your voice tell me that story every year like you have for the past 3o ish…. 

15 Responses to “HIATUS STATUS 3”

  1. John says:

    Beautiful Chief…she sounded like an amazing woman.

    • John says:

      Read this three times now Chief and just wanted to say how great this post is. Both of my parents are still here although my Dad is deteriorating a bit. I have lost my father in law and some parents of friends. You truly honored your mom and she knows it.

      • CHIEF says:

        Thank you John, trying to get inspired to write about calories, hormones, fat cells, metabolic pathways world changing ideas and concepts and such but that’s all the only words that flowed out.

        I did actually sleep through the night, hoping the insomnia is on it’s way out.

  2. Mike d says:

    Love ya, bro

    • CHIEF says:

      Thanks and back atcha
      I seriously have a lot of love for the dedicated readers here. Without support I doubt I would have kept on keepin on.

    • Mike d says:

      Shame there isn’t an easier way to interact with you. If I could do a trip up once a year for a couple days/week and help you with projects I would. To this day you’ve been one of the biggest positive influences on my life and am super appreciative of that

      • CHIEF says:

        Working on a technical solution to that exact issue of interaction it’s been a lot more difficult than anticipated revamping the website. I’ll see if I have an email of yours to send you some contact info in the mean time.

  3. John says:

    Merry Christmas Chief and All!

  4. Kepin says:

    Sorry for your loss ni wîcewâkan.

  5. Graham says:

    Only just got round to checking out this blog again cause I figured you’d be too busy with life getting in the way to post much. I’m really sorry to see I was right, not because you’re not posting, but because I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.

    I know it’s a bit late now, but I just wanting to express my condolences to you Chief, cause you’ve impacted my life in a positive way through your blog since I first stumbled on it a few years ago, and I’m very grateful for it. I’m sure your mother is proud of you, wherever she is right now.

    So thanks for everything you’ve done so far, and I wish you and your family all the best in this rough time, even if I am 5 months late in doing it.

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